Posts Tagged ‘emotional ice water’

Are You Addicted to Self-Sabotage?

stop-self-sabotage-behaviourAre you the one on the limb?

Self-sabotaging behaviors plague all of us at one time or another.  Dieters do it by reaching for that box of Mother’s Day chocolates, bag of chips or the cookie jar.  Fitness goals are self-sabotaged by rationalizing excuses to skip the gym.  We’ve all done it.

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the false story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it.”  Jordan Belfort

Self- sabotage is not uncommon or truly unconscious, but it is extremely unproductive.

How Frequently Do We Engage in Self-Sabotage?                          

Frequently self-sabotage is not a conscious decision to engage in self-defeating behavior, it is an unconscious reaction to old programming.  Determining the cause is the first step to stopping this unwanted and highly unproductive behavior.

A talkative mouse, a rat, and a small shrew were trapped in a flood, desperately clinging to the side of a lily pad – and sinking fast! A helpful owl came to their rescue, first telling the rat to clamp its teeth onto its talons as the owl flew to safety and then returning for the shrew, who received similar instructions. Finally, as the tides rose ever higher, the owl came back for our talkative mouse.


“You are rescued and will live!” said the owl. “But I’ve noticed you talk a lot. Promise me you’ll keep your mouth closed around my legs and on no account open it, or you’ll fall to your fate!”

“Of course!” said the mouse, who proceeded to clamp his mouth onto his feathered rescuer’s landing gear.


They took off and flew across the floods. The owl was about to land on some high ground, but the mouse decided he wanted to alight some other place to get dry.


“Not there…” shouted the mouse, but those were the last words he ever spoke as he fell into the swirling waters below. 


How frequently are we opening our mouth or our minds to negative thoughts or self-defeating behavior?


What Causes Self-Sabotage?self-sabotage

It won’t work out anyway. Failure is a familiar feeling – a bad feeling but an all too familiar feeling to the point that it becomes an expectation.  People stay in abusive personal or professional relationships; people stay in bad marriages; people stay in jobs they don’t like.  Why do people tolerate negative situations?  Sometimes it is rationalized that at least they know what to expect and there may be nothing better out there.  How will you know if you don’t at least try?

This is too good to last.  The unconscious need to be in control kicks in and they quit their job out of fear that they will be promoted and they will fail at the higher level position.  How many times have you heard “Quit while you are ahead.”  Is it a need to be in control or a fear of failing if they move upward?

What happens if I fail?  Fear of failure kicks in when someone wants to start their own business but are afraid of failing as a business owner, so they stay in a job rather than step out of their comfort zone and test their abilities at building a successful business.  They shortchange themselves and their future based on nothing more than self-defeating thoughts – self-sabotage.

self-defeatI don’t deserve to be successful.  Undeservability is a huge issue.  Low self-esteem caused by negative programming as a child may still be plaguing many people in adulthood.  It could be pressure caused by well-meaning adults who thought they were pushing you to do more and achieve more.  This pressure to be perfect (and none of us are perfect 100% of the time) and falling short creates self-defeating thoughts; it manifests in a feeling of not achieving enough so success must not be deserved.

Bad habits.  Over eating, chemical abuse, anger or negative self-talk can all be ways of temporarily masking low self-esteem. We know better but do it anyway.  Self-sabotage.

I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged.) Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.”  Jules Feiffer

Cures for Self-Sabotage

Awareness.  You can’t cure what you don’t know exists.  Forget about justifying, rationalizing or making award self-sabotageexcuses.  Make a conscious decision to observe your thoughts and actions.  When you catch yourself engaging in self-sabotage, pause what you are doing and think about why you are thinking or acting in that way.  You can’t change something unless you notice what you are doing and attempt to determine why.  This is not about blame; it is about stopping self-sabotage.

Success is Not All or Nothing.  Building a successful business is a matter of placing ads which contain the right words to attract your target audience; ideally these ads are in the publications where your target audience is most likely to see them.  In addition the unknown factor is timing the ads to appear at the moment when the target audience is most receptive to your message.  Hitting 100% of those factors 100% of the time is not likely.  Missing the timing occasionally does not mean failure; it may only mean a temporary delay.  Success in writing and placing ads is not all or nothing; it may mean filling the prospect pipeline for later.

Cut Yourself Some Slack.  Perfectionism is overrated.  You are probably making a greater positive impression on people than you know.  You are probably doing a better job than you give yourself credit for doing.  Set a goal to better your best.  It doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, it just means that you have to strive to constantly improve.  A continual one percent improvement every three days is still 100% improvement in a year.  Set a goal of 1% per day and you will be 365% better in a year.

steps to successSelf-Sabotage is Self-Defeating

Be aware of what you are doing and why; why are you destroying yourself and your goal achievement.  You deserve to be successful.  You deserve to be building a successful business instead of being stuck in a dead end job with a boss who does not appreciate you.  Success is not perfection; success is continually bettering your own best.  Get out of your own way and achieve your goals.  You can do it!  Self-sabotage is for losers; you are a winner.

Are you seeking more success in your life and career? Inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation.,, (reprint of an article written for Rod Davis)

Emotional Detachment

Clinging to a lead or chasing a prospect gives an impression of lack and being needy.  Needy is one of the fastest turn offs

Your thoughts create or remove emotional blocks

Your thoughts create or remove emotional blocks

for a prospect.  It tells them you are coming from a weak position.  People prefer to work with a leader.  Leaders present themselves from the standpoint of abundance.


Yes, that is more difficult when you only have a handful of leads and you feel you have paid dearly for each one.  You desperately want each of those leads to convert into a sale.  I get that.  Problem is, so does the prospect.  They feel your vibration.  They feel your urgency to make a sale.  Do whatever you have to do to feel abundant.  If you have to look at the New York white pages and see all of the names in order to feel abundant, do it.  I’m not suggesting you start cold calling from the phone book, but I am emphasizing that you must develop a feeling of lead abundance within yourself.  Project that feeling in your relaxed confidence as you speak with leads.


There is the story of the new Cosmetic surgeon who did not have a single booking on his surgery schedule.  A lady called wanting a face lift.  He forced himself to say, “Just a moment, let me check the schedule to see when I can schedule your appointment.”  He put the phone on hold and counted to 50.  Counting to 50 was all the time he could stand to wait.  He then returned to the called and said he could fit her in a week from Tuesday at 3 pm.  He booked the appointment.  If he had asked her, “What time would you like to come in, my schedule is open?”  I will bet that he would NOT have booked the appointment.


Even if you have to bite you lip to keep from sounding overly eager, do it.


Mother eagle told baby eagle, “Come soar with me.  You will be so good at flying.  You were made to soar through the sky.”  Baby eagle says, “I’m scared.  I don’t know if I can do it.  What if I fall?”  Mother eagle responds, “What is more important to you, the thrill of soaring or the fear of falling?”


It is so easy to become so paralyzed by the fear of failure that we lose sight of the utter thrill of victory.  Let go of the attachment to the status quo.  Let go of the attachment to the known.  Let go of that precious lead and know that many more are flowing in every day.  The more you relax and free yourself of the emotional attachment to the current, the more you open yourself to the potential of the future.


You can not steal second base with your foot firmly planted on first.  You must first exercise detachment from the known in order to reach for the potential of the future.  Relax and visualize the abundance of leads in your inbox.  Feel the calm confidence of plenty.  Put yourself in that frame of mind before, during and after your conversation with leads and your bank account will thank you.


Visualize how a 100,000 per month producer would act and feel.  They would demonstrate total emotional detachment from each individual lead.


Develop the mindset of:

Some Will

Some Won’t

Someone’s Waiting


Emotional detachment frees you from stress and frees the lead to take positive action with you.

For more information on overcoming emotional blocks, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Go to or read additional articles posted in my blog.


Blame and Guilt

Blame and guilt can rob you of your happiness if you allow it.

Your thoughts create or remove emotional blocks

Your thoughts create or remove emotional blocks


How many victim-mentality people have you known in your life?  They say the negative events in their life are someone else’s fault.  Somehow they are always the victim but never the cause.

What happens in their life is never their fault.


If they are always the victim, then it stands to reason that they have no power or control over their life.  I don’t know about you, but I refuse to be standing on the sidelines helplessly watching my life unfold before me.  Controlling every event of life is unrealistic, but expecting to control some decisions and events is certainly possible.




If we are not helpless, we must assume some measure of responsibility.  Personally the role of a victim is totally unappealing to me.  In order to avoid that uncomfortable position, it means accepting a role which may be even more uncomfortable.  We are responsible for everything which happens to us.  This can be both an uncomfortable position and a powerful position at the same times.  It means that we are totally responsible for the good and the bad in our life.


In my book, Emotional Ice Water, the cover tag line is “It’s not what they say or do.  It’s what YOU think, feel and do.”  For my life, that means that what happens in my life is directly related to what I think, feel and do.  I am responsible for my life.


This is an empowering and a daunting feeling.  Once you take full responsibility for the events in life, you know you are in control.  Does it mean that nothing bad will ever happen again?  Yes and no.  Events will happen which were not your original desire, but does that necessarily mean that they are bad?  No.


Recently while driving on the interstate I encountered my first flash flood.  Pumping the brakes did not help.  Moving the steering wheel did not yield any control.  As I watched the car moving closer and closer to the concrete abutment, I was truly unable to stop or swerve.  This was not a desirable situation or one that I had wanted to occur.  Was it bad?  It could have been a disaster.  Fortunately, as I neared the concrete, the car slowed and came to a rest before crashing into the concrete.  Shaking, I maneuvered the car back on to the interstate and proceeded to an exit.


Still shaking I called a friend who answered the phone and calmed me enough that I was able to get out of the car and step on stage to give my speech.


How was I responsible for that situation?  Upon reflection, my thoughts were fearful that I would be late to step on stage.  My own thoughts were fearful and the incident with the car produced similar fearful thoughts.


My thoughts created more like thoughts.  Speaking with my friend produced reassurance which generated more reassurance.  Like thoughts create like thoughts and events.  The situation with the car was not anyone else’s fault.  It was a one car situation.  It was not a matter of blame or guilt, but one of responsibility.


Are you seeking more success in your life and career?  Inquire about hiring Elaine Love as a business and communications professional – business coach, presentations coach/trainer and content writer.  Go to or

Power Within You

small dreams

How much personal power do you feel that you have right now?  Feeling a bit low on personal power right now?  Where did it go?  Has life taken away your feeling of power or have we unintentionally given away our power?  You may have more power available to you than you think you do.  How will it feel to take back your power?


Right now, how do you feel?  Do you feel helpless, discouraged, defeated, maybe even depressed?  How long have you felt that way?  How long do you want to go on feeling that way?  Where is the limit when you say “enough” “I won’t stand for this anymore?”  The day you finally declare, “I’ve had it” can be a new beginning.  It can be a new beginning if you say it and resolve to follow through.


Resolve to Own Your Personal Power


Jim RohnJim Rohn once asked a group of elementary children the meaning of “resolve.”  One six year old girl said, “resolve means never giving up.”  How strong is your resolve?


How is that down-in-the-dumps feeling working for you?  If you are like me, it did not and does not feel very good.  Feeling powerless drives you deeper down the rabbit hole.


Rule of Holes


The first rule of holes is “When you are in one, stop digging.”  That’s right.  Stop digging and start climbing out.  Before we can climb back up from the depths of “Oh woe is me” to our power, we need to define what power is.  Power can by a positive.  Power can be your positive; not power over you, power within you.


What is power?  In terms of physics, it is “the rate at which work is performed or energy is converted?”  Sound a bit stuffy?  If your life is like mine, power is “the ability to influence the behavior of people.”  Power is influence.  Power is authority.  Power is control.  Power is responsibility.


We are each responsible for our own life.  You are responsible for your own power.  You can give it away, allow someone to take it away from you, or ignore the fact that you have it.  You can even convince yourself that you do not have any power over some or all segments of your life.  At that point, you are a leaf being blown helplessly around the yard.


Power Within You


Reclaim the power within you by recognizing that it exists, refusing to give it away and refusing to have it taken away from you.  The simple act of recognizing that you have power within you alleviates the feeling that someone has power over you.


The book, Emotional Ice Water declares that it is not about what others say or do; it is about what you

Push past emotional blocks

Push past emotional blocks

think, feel and do.  When you accept and embrace the fact that you have power over your thoughts, feelings and actions, you are embracing the power within you.


For more information on success in your life and your business, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Go to, or

Conquer the Battle Within

Cherokee Proverb

Torn between emotions
Torn between decisions


What is your battle?  This internal dilemma theme has been touted in the pop song, “Torn Between Two Lovers” and the movie of its origin, Doctor Zhivago.  Country songs have moaned about it and our legal system is clogged with cases of two opposing viewpoints. One of the more definitive statements about internal turmoil is the Cherokee proverb, “There is a Battle of Two Wolves Inside Us All.”


One is evil.  It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego.

The other is good.  It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth.

Which wolf wins?  The one you feed.


Name Your Wolves


Destructive Wolf


Who are your destructive wolves?  Can you call them by name?  Anger, blame, guilt, resentment and lack of deservability are among the most familiar.  How often do you feed them?  Allowing your thoughts to drift too frequently to these negatives or remain there too long and you may be feeding them a seven course meal instead of a snack.


Don’t think for even a moment that I have not ever fed them.  Unfortunately there have been times when I felt sad, alone, hurt or even mistreated; those are the times I fed them.  If anyone ever tells you that they have never been upset, angry, disappointed, resentful or even jealous, they are lying, forgetful or delusional.  Experiencing the full range of emotions is normal human behavior.


Gentle Wolf


The gentle wolf is when my small grandson snuggles up beside me and just cuddles.  He doesn’t even want to talk or play, he just wants to be loved and feel safe and wanted.  How many times in your life have you experienced the supreme bliss of just being with someone?  Neither of you even had to say a word; you were content just being together.


Perhaps there were times you were consoling someone or being consoled when you felt better because they were there with you.  Remember the times you did something for another person without wanting or expecting anything in return.  Remember the warm feeling; it is like the glow of a fragrant candle in a dark room.


Turning Points


Jim Rohn, famous business philosopher, tells a tale of the “day that turns your life around.”


It may be the day you declare “I’ve had enough.  Things are going to change right now.”


Jim tells the story of a young mother who asked her husband for ten dollars and he said “What for?”  She vowed that very day that she would never ever ask for money again.  She looked for new skills.  She found the classes.  She looked for new opportunities to stretch and grow.  She kept looking until she found them.  Twelve years later she was vice president of a major jewelry company in New York City.


Her entire life changed because she turned loose of the fur of the wolf which fed her inferiority and embraced the wolf of hope.  Which wolf do you need to stop feeding and chase away?  Which wolf do you need to embrace?  The choice is yours.


The book Emotional Ice Water helps you identify each destructive wolf and release it.  You know you will always receive more of whatever you give your time, energy and focus.  Focus on the gentle wolves.


For more information on identifying and releasing emotional blocks, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Purchase the book Emotional Ice Water.  Go to or

Reflections and Realizations 2012-2013


Commit to making 2013 even better than 2012

Looking back over 2012, what were your highlights?  Being a glass half full and optimistic person, I prefer to focus on the positives.  Yes, I learn from the negatives as well as the positives.  Since it is a known fact that we always receive more of whatever we give our time, energy and focus, I prefer to concentrate on the positive.


What were the personal highlights of 2012?  What did you learn about yourself?

2012 was an eventful year for me.  My first book, Emotional Ice Water was published.  The comments about how much it helped people to get out of their own way and start truly living life to the fullest warmed my heart.  One man very close to me said, “It was better than I thought it would be; that could be a compliment.  I’ve decided to take it as a left-handed compliment.


Even though it was an entire year ahead of schedule, I became President of the Castle Pines Rotary club in July.  With the unexpected turmoil which caused my early ascension, it has been a bumpy road but we are making progress.  I jumped in with both feet up to the top of the curls and relate 100% to the values and mission of Rotary.


A few unexpected financial events have made a wonderful and truly appreciated upswing in income toward the end of 2012.  That is never a bad turn of events.  Nice way to end the year.


 Which relationships meant the most to you in 2012?

Once again, the deepening friendships with Rotarians have astounded and pleased me.

In fact, the genuine outpouring of caring from friends and my sons has truly been heartwarming.  I can’t say enough loving words about my sons.  Wow, am I fortunate.  I’ve laughed that I’m not certain if the fine men they have become is because of me or in spite of me, but I’m grateful nonetheless.


What was one of the biggest challenges you faced this year and how did you handle it?

For me as for many Americans, the challenge was endeavoring to keep the income above the outgo.  There are conflicting points of view as to whether the economy is getting better or if the Band-Aid on America’s debt will pull loose revealing a deep gash.


 What did you do for fun in 2012?  What was one of your fondest memories?

One of the highlights of my year is always related to my grandsons.  Those adorable little guys have Gamma wrapped securely around their little hands.  For instance at 5 am on Christmas morning both little guys pounce on the bed and say, “Up Gamma, you’re missing Christmas.”  Sleepy-eyed but smiling, we all head upstairs to the Christmas tree.


Even though the questions and answers could continue, the importance is reflecting on 2012 in a positive way and seeking the wisdom to commit to making 2013 even better than 2012.  Not just commit, but follow through.


When we build positives on positives, the world becomes a happier and more fulfilling place.

Emotional Roller Coaster Solutions

Holiday seasons can be an emotional roller coaster.  Black Friday ads permeated the air, clogged your inbox and assaulted you from printed publications stuffed into your mailbox.  Today it is “cyber Monday” ads.  The media is telling you to BUY BUY BUY for the upcoming gift giving season.


Holiday lights and decorations appear in our neighborhoods, stores (some stores even start their Christmas displays before Halloween) and every public area.  We are told to be happy, excited and spend with exuberant abandon.


This is a tough economy.  People are out of work or underemployed or simply struggling to make the financial ends wave at each other.  The goal of actually making the financial ends meet and have money left over is simply not a reality for far too many people.


If you are not in an ideal emotional relationship or even in an acceptable emotional relationship, holidays can be an emotional drag.


What do you do?  How do you handle the holidays in a healthy emotional mindset?


Holiday parties abound.  Every organization seems to promote their holiday party.  Holiday parties frequently come with adult beverages – sometimes excessive adult beverages.  Alcohol is a depressant.  You may have heard someone call those beverages “holiday cheer.”  If you are feeling up and happy and festive, they may be holiday cheer.  Caution.  If you are feeling down, a few drinks, or a few too many, can plunge you even further down.


What can you do?  Am I telling you to avoid parties or curl up in a corner, hide from life and pretend that the holidays do not exist?  No, of course not.  There are things you can do.

1.    Arrive at the party a little late and stay a short time rather than the entire time.

2.   Be certain you eat something.  Food helps ease the effects of alcohol (if you choose to indulge in an adult beverage.)

3.   In my early twenties I discovered the strategy of sipping an orange juice or a ginger ale with a slice of lime.  Other guests were comfortable because we all had a glass in our hand.  Later if someone offered me a glass of wine, I was perfectly fine to have one.  One throughout an evening was perfectly acceptable.

4.   Steer clear of the David and Debbie Downers.  Grumpy bears and angry, critical people can send your mood plunging down at a rapid rate.

5.   Spend time with upbeat people you enjoy speaking with; spend time with the people who encourage you and bring you up.

6.    Go help someone less fortunate or a friend who needs an emotional lift.  Concentrating on bringing them up will help you stay up yourself.


Emotional solutions for the holidays

Positive ways to deal with negatives

Here are only a few ideas to keep a firm grip on your emotional sanity and even bring it up a few notches.  The book Emotional Ice Water  is packed with helpful ideas to boost your emotional spirits.  It is written in an enjoyable story form; you can relate to the true life stories.  More than anything, you will appreciate the positive solutions you can implement into your life immediately.


Don’t let the roller coaster of emotions over the holidays or at any point in your year get the best of you.  There are positive ways to deal with negative situations.


For more information on overcoming negative feelings and situations, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Purchase Emotional Ice Water.  Go to or

Time Efficiency


Use your time wisely

Are you spending your time in the most productive manner

What to Do When There’s Too Much to Do: reduce Tasks, Increase Results, and Save 90 Minutes a Day by Laura Stack reminds us that a well-crafted printed message can be far more valuable than a sit down meeting. Think how much time you could save for yourself and your entire team if you did not have to travel to and from a meeting.  Your time could be used far more productively and profitably with a well-crafted printed message.

Planning a meeting to schedule a meeting or hold a meeting which does not need to occur are examples of wasted time

We all have busy lives – career, family, social and perhaps even personal obligations.

Despite our overactive “yes” gland and the overly optimistic “I can do that” attitude, there are a finite number of hours in a day.

What are your priorities?

On a clean sheet of paper draw a large box.  Divide the box into 4 equal squares with one vertical line and one horizontal line.  At the top of the box write the word “Urgent”.  Under the bottom line write the words “Not urgent.”  Just outside the left of the box write the word “Important.”  Outside the right of the box write “Not important.”

The top left box is Urgent and Important.

Top right square is Urgent but not important

Bottom left is Not urgent but important

Bottom right is Not urgent and not important.

Look at your daily activities.  Be aware of your scheduled commitments in the upcoming week.  Start with the upcoming week and record the various time obligations in the appropriate box.  Now look honestly at your week and record the activities you regularly perform which may NOT be recorded on the pages of your calendar.  Which activities are located in which box?  What percentage of your time are you spending in each box?

Don’t forget to acknowledge the time you spend chatting on Facebook, answering emails or perhaps even chatting on the phone or over coffee with friends.  Travel time to and from appointments and daily routines such as television time can slip through the time schedule without proper recording.

Odesk has a program where it records the screen shots of exactly what is happening on your computer screen.  Spending time staring at the screen or cleaning your desk does not count as productive time.  How efficiently are you using your time?

Are you using your time to accomplish the items which are of the highest priority and most urgency?  I hear some of your brains questioning how to determine what is the highest priority.

Peter Drucker, 1905-2005, Austrian born US management guru, writer and seminal business thinker said, “There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”

If earning a paycheck is important to you, one of your priorities would naturally be to complete the tasks which are the highest priority for your boss.  Knowing your duties, job priorities and the preferences of your boss rank extremely high on the “keep your job” scale, at least during working hours.

What is most important to you?  It is said that you can determine a person’s priorities by looking at their calendar and their checkbook.  What does your calendar and checkbook reveal about your priorities?

If you ask executives about their highest priority, it is not uncommon to hear family toward the top of the list, but upon examination of their calendar, family infrequently receives a time slot.  Be aware of scheduling time for your top priorities in life.  If you run out of money, you can make more.  If you run out of time, you’re done.  Time lost is not recoverable.  Time does have a value.

Clearly defining your most important values will assist in prioritizing your time.  Look carefully at your activities and where you are truly spending your time.  If the time spent does not sync with your priorities, what can you eliminate or at least minimize in order to bring the values into alignment with the time.  Once you align your priorities, you may find that you are doing more of what is truly leading to your goals and wasting less time with the activities which divert you from your goals.

It is not just physical travel time but also mental time which influences your daily schedule and your ultimate productivity.  How will you feel when you have more productivity and less stress?

For more information on priorities and time efficiency, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Go to or


Empathy or . . .

Do you have empathy or sympathy?  Your mind may be questioning why this is important or what it has to

Be approahable

People do more for those they know, like and trust.

do with business.  Why do you need either one in your career?

Sympathy is feeling for someone.  You might sympathize with a co-worker who has the flu or even a more serious illness.  You could sympathize with someone who experienced a traumatic car accident.  You feel for the person but you cannot totally relate to exactly how that other person may feel.  You have sympathy but not empathy.

Empathy is feeling with the person.  If you have personally experienced a major illness or suffered a serious automobile accident, you may be able to feel with the person.  You know more about how they may be feeling because you experienced a similar situation.  Empathy is feeling with the person.

What does this have to do with business?  Placing yourself in the mindset of your customer will help you know what they may need in a given situation.

When the economy took a sharp nosedive in 2008, retirement portfolios were adversely affected for far too many people.  If you were one of those whose 401 K became a 41K, you can certainly empathize.

Doing your best to put yourself in your prospect’s situation or your employee’s situation can ease the tension.  People always do more for those they know, like and trust.  It is so much easier to know, like and trust someone you feel understands you and cares about you.

That does not mean a mutual pity party; it means you both relate to the situation so you can search for mutual positive solutions.  You can empathize with each other and help each other pull up and out of a tough situation.  “Thanks for understanding” builds much more goodwill and positive energy than “You don’t know what it’s like.  You have no idea what it feels like to be in my situation.”  Heavy doses of sympathy will not bridge that gap.  Only empathy will truly ease the chasm between you.

Strive to empathize not sympathize and your relationships will significantly improve.

If you desire to improve your life, build your personal and professional relationships.

For more information on relationships, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Go to or

Relationship Thermometer

If your relationships were on a thermometer, would they register “warm and happy” or “cold and distant?”

Improving relationships and peace

Key to better relationships

The recent issue of Success magazine cd featured an interview depicting our relationships primarily as either a victim or a competitor role.  It went on to say that many of our communication issues and thus communication problems stem from both parties choosing to occupy the victim role at the same time.  “You did this to me.”  “No, I am the one who is wronged.  You need to apologize.”  If both parties are locked into a “I’m right and you are wrong” mindset, how can we possibly resolve conflicts?

It was once said that all wars would end in lightning speed if the politicians who were pontificating were squared off on the front line against each other with live weapons instead of sending our innocent young soldiers to the front lines.  The danger of live bullets instead of sharp words could make a significant difference in the willingness to listen, understand the opposing view and reach a resolution.

This same willingness to listen, care about the feelings and opinions of the other party, and find a mutually agreeable solution could solve innumerable personal and professional misunderstandings as well.

Where are your relationships on the temperature scale?  Are you locked into your position with a closed mind or are you attentively listening to the opposing view with an attempt to understand.

What good could possibly come from stepping out of the “I’m right.  You’re wrong” or “I’m the victim” role and listening with genuine interest and curiosity to the other person?  Fewer unhappy marriages?  Fewer lawsuits? Fewer business conflicts?  Perhaps we would even have more happy, productive employees.  What a concept – healing relationships rather than intensifying conflict.

Unless you enjoy being miserable or making others unhappy, it is certainly a valid thought.  Just for the exercise today, even if it is only for an hour, resolve to listen and understand rather than lash out.  You may be delighted with the outcome.

Raise your relationship temperature into the warm and happy zone on the thermometer.  Listen and attempt to understand the other party   You may actually end the day with a smile instead of a frown and know that you did the same for the other party.

For more information on relationships, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Go to or

To Learn More About the
Tiger In High Heels

- Professional Speaking & Coaching
Fill Out the Form Below:

Network with Me
RSS Home Twitter Home Facebook Home LinkedIn Home YouTube Home
”Elaine spoke to our top leaders from 8 states, she gave us new and positive ways to connect with people
which is EXACTLY what we wanted. Thanks Elaine”
-Tom Fajardo, State Farm