A dear friend of mine frequently quips, “You heard the thought at the same time I did.”  In an ideal mental and physical installation, there is a filter between the thought entering the conscious mind and that same thought exiting in audible words.  There are cases on record of both faulty installations and totally absent installations.

July 4, 2011 at 1 pm I had a blind date with a professional golfer.  Having achieved the rank of professional on the PGA circuit, one would expect a certain degree of class and social graces.

His offer of a putting lesson sounded like a good idea. The lesson was certainly needed.  “Yes, I live on the 13^th tee of a professional golf course.  Yes, a golf bag and clubs exist in the dark recesses of the garage; however, they have not even been dusted in 30 years.”

3.57965 minutes into the putting lesson he said. “You have a great body.  How much do you weigh?  125 pounds?”

Guys, be honest.  How many of you even ask your wife what she weighs?  Add insult to shock and volunteer a number and you may be sleeping on the couch for a week.  Plan on taking up permanent residence on the couch if you volunteered a number and you were high.

With a height of five foot one inch and wearing a size zero, obesity is not my issue.  Fortunately, a positive mental attitude exists to ward off the emotional ice water of such thoughtless remarks.

“Ralph, you are wrong, your number is high.”  Mentally, my cleats are dug in to the turf but my mind is racing for the safety of my car.  Totally clueless, he did not even bother to apologize.

A few months later he sent an email,”Do you remember me?”  Remember him?  Oh yes.  Respond to the email. .  .no!

In the interest of not being accused of gender bashing, come with me to a professional Realtor organization.  Keep in mind that my Real Estate Brokers license was issued in 1986; I have utmost respect for the industry.

The new President of the organization came up to me and declared, “Oh Elaine, the day I met you I went home and told my husband that I just met a lady with the most fabulous figure.  She must be in her 70s.”

Social error number two is commenting on a female’s age and volunteering a number over a decade high.

Once again, thank you for a positive mental attitude to see the humor in a potentially insulting situation.  Emotional ice water can be offset with a positive mental attitude.

Once again we have a serious filter installation issue.  Expertise in one area does not mean expertise in all areas.  Both individuals were accomplished professionals in their area of expertise.  Both committed grievous social errors.

Fortunately, maintaining a positive mental attitude provided ego salvation.

Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net.  Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote speaker or workshop leader for your next event.  Whether you are seeking to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you.  Your success requires a positive mental attitude.

Could it be priorities?  Distractions?  Perhaps it is an overactive “yes” gland.  Yes, I will get the groceries, cook the meals, take the kids to soccer practice, clean the house, volunteer at school, volunteer at church and work a full time job.  Sound familiar?  Looking at my calendar; I am guilty as charged.

Are all of these worthwhile endeavors?  Yes.  Do each of these activities need to be performed?  Yes.  Do they all need to be performed by you every day?  Maybe not.

As a busy executive discovers, some duties can be delegated, some declined and some prioritized.  Look at your “to do” list.  What is the possibility of having someone else in the house cook one meal a week?  How about doing a double batch one night and freezing it for next week?  Anything super easy and fast which would work for one meal a week?  Be creative.

Write a detailed list of everything you do for a week.  Pick one item a day and explore the options available.  Who is available to help with that task or even take it completely?

Carefully examine everything you do.  Caution, take only one item to brainstorm a day.

Your busy brain is now saying, with so many things to do and no time to do them how am I supposed to find time to do this additional task?

Treat yourself to 15 minutes a day just for yourself.  Yes, at first, that may be in the evening or early morning.  How badly do you truly want to recover your sanity and get your time under control?  Is it worth 15 minutes a day?  Your decision.

If you truly desire to take control of your time, it will require designing a success plan.  Design a plan you will actually follow through.  This is not a New Years Resolution which is broken in 3 days or maybe even 3 hours.  Design a success plan of your choosing which you truly believe you can follow through.  Implement the plan a if your life depended on its success.  Make the follow through an unbreakable priority.

Your 24 hours a day slips by whether you are harried, frustrated or organized.  The familiar saying “time is money” is simply not true.  If you lose money, there is always the possibility of making more money.  Once time is gone, it can never be recovered.

Email me with your time and sanity recovery success plan.  Success stories are wonderful!  The present is a great time to start!  Today in fact is the perfect day to start writing your new success plan.

Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net.  Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote speaker or workshop leader for your next event.  Whether you are seeking to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you.  Your success requires a success plan.

Have you ever said something which was perfectly clear in your mind, but someone else heard an entirely different meaning?

It is perfectly natural to view situations through our own personal experience and knowledge filter. Since we all have a different experience filter, is it any wonder that we see the situation from a different angle and thus receive a different message?

Come with me to a recent speech to 50 young financial professionals. The scent of coffee and chocolate drifts through the air as the group settles in to their seats in the packed conference room. The group of 20 and 30 year olds deal with the public all day in their jobs. My topic was Emotional Ice Water – how to deal with negative behavior in a positive way. Phrased another way; how to remain sane and calm in the middle of an emotional ice storm. The event organizers had encouraged me to distribute my businerss cards. My words to the audience were, “If you prefer to discuss your situation privately rather than to say it aloud in front of your co-workers, call me. You have my card.”

During the debrief a week or so later, Brenda said, “Elaine, place yourself in the mindset of these young financial professionals. Their job is to offer financial advice for a fee. Naturally, their filter says “If you are offering me advice, you plan to charge me a fee.” View my offer to help them through their lens of “If I call her, she will charge me,” the offer becomes a business promotion on my part rather than an offer to help them.

Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes. “What they heard is not what I meant.”

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

Miscommunication occurs in all aspects of our daily lives. One of the most frequently cited causes of marital discord are “We just can’t communicate.” Actually, the root problem is not a lack of communication but a lack of connecting. When two people connect, they both understand and receive the same message. Communication occurs when one expresses thoughts verbally or in writing; however, it does not mean that the other party receives the message as the speaker intended. The disconnect is not in communication but connection.

Have you ever experienced miscommunication in a relationship? Guys have you ever asked a woman, “What’s wrong?” “Oh, nothing. . .” You get that “Oh not, knot in your stomach that says “What did I do wrong? What did I say? How can I fix this?” “I dn’t even know what I did wrong.”

In John Gray’s book, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, he extols the challenges of male and female communication. Do you ever feel as if you are speaking an entirely different language?

What she heard was not what he meant. Lack of communication happens in our personal and professional lives.
Money can be a major stumbling block, especially when it appears to be in short supply. Not only do couples have differing viewpoints of the best use of money, but this stress is transferred to others outside the walls of homes.

With the current economic turmoil, financial professionals are encountering negative reactions far too frequently. Imagine the shock when this group of young financial professionals heard, “The answer to your emotional turmoil is the IRS.” I can hear your brains saying, “What? The IRS is the answer to my emotional turmoil? I don’t think so.”

What do you think of when you hear the acronym IRS? Internal Revenue Service, right? Perfectly natural reaction, and that is one correct answer, but not the only correct answer.

Yes, the answer to emotional turmoil really can be the IRS.

Do a subtle mindset shift. What if the acronym meant something different than Internal Revenue Service. What if IRS meant . . .

Identify your feelings and why you feel as you do.
Release the stress and tension
Seek a solution.

Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes..

Doing a mindset shift from assuming IRS meant Internal Revenue Service to the new possibility that it meant Identify feelings, Release stress and Seek a solution changes your entire viewpoint.

What other facts do you know which may look different when viewed from a different angle.

Feelings and experiences serve as a filter for our perceptions of events in our life.

Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes.

Look at all events in your life from different angles and you will create more harmony for yourself and everyone around you. Looking from different viewpoints creates understanding and less hurt feelings. Understanding removes un-necessary tension and opens the door for solutions.

Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes.

Who knows? The future view of your life could improve from dismal gray to sunshine and gold.

Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote or workshop leader for your next event. Whether you are seeking to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you. Speak to connect, not just communicate.

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As a business development coach, the symbiotic relationship between employees and customers is a major key to business success. Employees and customers really are not so different; they have a symbiotic relationship. I hear your brain saying, “What? I disagree. They are very different.” Are they? The role of an employee is to support the company and thus the customer; they must be an enthusiastic and productive member of the team. The employee contribution is their time, energy and expertise in exchange for their pay check.

The customer or client contributes the funds necessary to pay the employee in exchange for receiving the goods and service of the company. The customer contributes money, energy and enthusiasm about the high level of value they receive. The productivity and profitability the customer achieves as a result of the product and service they receive from the company is a major factor in whether they continue to buy from the company.

Without the employee or the customer, the company does not survive. Perhaps you are a solopreneur; in that case you are your only employee. The solopreneur must perform all of the functions of the employee or the company folds. The company can not exist without customers purchasing; customers will not purchase or continue to purchase without receiving value commensurate with the money they spend.

If the company is a quarter, the customer represents one side and the employee represents the other side; the coin does not exist without having both sides.

As a business development coach, this relationship between customer and employee retention emerges consistently. The secret to successful business is providing high value to the customers in order to attract more customers and thus more income. At the same time retaining excellent employees provides more consistency for the customers. Employees and customers become acquainted with each other and form a solid business familiarity. If there is a new employee each time a customer calls, what does that say to the customer? It says possibly growth but certainly re-explaining what they need and expect. Busy people like to work with those with whom they are familiar; people resist change. More likely the new voice on the call each time conveys the message of company instability.

Have you heard the expression “rats run from a sinking ship?” (I found the line used numerous times but can not seem to locate the original source of the quotation.) The run on banks and the plummet of the stock market are all examples of the herd mentality of people fleeing from an entity which is unstable and perhaps teetering on the precipice of plunging toward failure. Employee retention and consistency provides a source of confidence and familiarity to customers. By the same token, employees feel more confident when they continue to speak with familiar customers as well as new customers.

At Rotary this morning, the owner of a very successful law firm stated that his legal assistant, receptionist and over 90% of his staff had been with him for at least the last 15 years. It is no surprise that his law firm is a highly successful business. He is retaining high quality employees and high quality customer. His company represents one more success story expounding the value of employee and customer retention.

Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your business development coach, presentation coach and as the keynote or workshop speaker for your next event. Whether you are seeking to grow as a speaker to improve your employment situation, improve your business or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you.

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When your Message is Concise and Convincing,
You Attract Your Ideal Customer to You

Design – Structure, focus, key points
Your - Unique, original, passion for your subject
Message – Benefit to the audience
Concise – Specific with clear examples
Convincing – Audience: Do, think, feel

How?

Coaching – One to one – Assisting you in discovering your
passion, expertise and most effective delivery

Workshops – Group – Specific interactive topics:
30 second intro, follow up, structure, content,
Delivery, keys to enhance your attraction to
Your ideal market

Keynotes – Customized presentations for each individual
audience, within my niche subject expertise, to provide
maximum value to your audience

Who?

Professional speakers (or those desiring to be professional speakers), management, sales. Trainers, and new speakers. Enhance your presentation skills and you will increase your value and thus your income.

You are either attracting others to you or chasing them away with your presentation skills.

Discover the keys to connecting not just communicating.

Are you ready to develop the keys to success?

Enter your information for the free self-assessment quiz on your presentation skills.

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Toastmasters, National Speakers Association and every speech coach I have ever encountered emphasize customizing the message to the audience. This theme resounds and repeats throughout every speech training. Learn about your audience, interview potential audience members and event organizers to be certain the message dovetails to the audience interests and high expectations. Changing only the title on a canned speech does not constitute customizing. More on this subject later.

Information about customizing the message to the audience is a familiar theme in training for keynote speaking. The subject of energy, attire, and attitude are infrequently addressed. Your energy, message and attire should be crafted to match the audience. Attitude and attire are obvious before the first words of the message are ever uttered.

Since your attire and personal poise first attract the eye of the audience, those are the first issues to address. If you are speaking to a beach party on a tropical island, high heels and an evening gown would look a bit out of place. As the speaker, you are in a position of prominence; reflect that image. Dress appropriate for the gathering and just a small step more toward the well dressed.

Patricia Fripp, first female president of National Speakers Association, recommends that women not wear white slacks as it draws the eye down and away from the face and the message. Patricia also cautions, “Avoid wearing sleeveless tops on stage;” there are very attractive sheer sleeve tops which are appropriate even for a beach speaking engagement. Another tip of Patricia’s is, “avoid any attire which will be distracting” such as dangly, bangly, dangly earrings. Classic “understated elegance” has always been my preference. Men you might select a nice sports shirt with an open collar instead of a tee shirt. Women, select an attractive pair of sandals with a nice sundress rather than a tank top and shorts. These may appear obvious or exaggerations; however, caution and consideration are preferable to appearing overly casual. The platform is a privilege. Dress to demonstrate respect for the honor of speaking and the occasion. Continue that respect by matching the energy, attitude, of the gathering.

Craig Valentine, the 1999 World Champion of Public Speaking, encourages speakers to match the energy of the audience. When speaking to a more subdued audience do not come out bouncing off the walls with pogo stick enthusiasm, “the audience will feel like jumping out of the window” even from a high floor. Match the energy of the audience and then you can take them with you as you gradually increase the energy in the room. At a recent sales conference, the previous speaker had the audience pumped up and ready to do the Scott Alexander “rhino charge.” In that instance maintaining high energy in the opening would be absolutely appropriate.

If your energy and attire are appropriate for the occasion, the audience will be more receptive to listening to your message. Being cognizant of energy, attire and message will enhance your inclusion into the event and the attention of the audience.

Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the workshop or keynote speaker for your next event. Whether you are seeking to grow as a speaker to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you. Take control of your image as a keynote speaker, leader and business professional.

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Yes, I am aware that it is also a medical term; however, my focus relates to dreams, goals and action. Dreaming is a pleasant diversion but accomplishes very little positive results all by itself. The dream starts the process. The follow through of action, any positive action, begins the actual change.

As a Kansas farm girl in a very poor community, I could have chosen to live in a dream world in my head without moving my physical circumstances. Even though it may not be recommended to take the radical action which I chose, it did prove beneficial. Every individual must search their soul and make the decision they feel is best for them.

Come with me to Linn county Kansas in 1962. With a high school class of 40, only 3 were planning to attend college. Most of my classmates were perfectly content to stay on the farm and in the small, and supposedly safe, community where everything and everyone was familiar. One boy, Larry Morgan, decided to pursue his dreams of college. Larry incidentally had exactly the same birthday as mine. He later graduated and became a college professor.

One other girl decided to attend but she was more interested in the social aspects than the academic. She lasted one year.

Have you ever felt that there must be something better out there for you even though you did not possess any proof yet? Does a dream of a better life lure you to test the possibilities? Somehow that dream nudged the edges of my consciousness and begged to be explored. It felt like Alice in Wonderland testing unknown paths, hiking an unfamiliar trail or driving down an unexplored country road. Even though there is uncertainty, there is also excitement.

Despite the contrary wishes of my parents, my classmates and my neighbors, there was one who encouraged me. Earl McCray, high school music teacher said “Go test your wings, Elaine. You can have a future if you reach for it.” Reach I did. Dr. Earl McCray’s leadership speaking inspired me to dare the unknown. A ride was located to college. No money, no job, no place to live and no guarantee of anything, I left.

Easy, no, but oh so worth it. Long story short, a college professor, Dr. Charles Reilly, gave me a job as his student secretary and convinced the college to allow me to live in old Willard Hall dormitory in exchange for a major portion of my student wages. The remainder of the student wages would go to pay tuition and books. Once again leadership speaking and action paved the path. Yipee! Progress!

Three years later at my graduation as outstanding student of my college class, Dr. Reilly stood there proudly congratulating me. Never underestimate the power of encouragement and determination. The leadership speaking of Dr. Earl McCray and Dr. Charles Reilly were the sparks of encouragement which changed the course of my life forever. I am eternally grateful to both men. Whose life can you change with your own leadership words? Perhaps, even your own life.

You can achieve your dreams. To what do you aspire? What is stopping you from stepping out of your comfort zone and reaching for that elusive dream?

Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote or workshop speaker for your next event. Whether you are seeking to grow as a speaker to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you. Take control of your leadership; become a more effective leader for yourself and others.

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Just as those last words, actions or thoughts linger in a relationship, they also linger in presentations. Being a leader requires leadership speaking skills. Over and over in feedback surveys it has been repeated that people remember the first words and the last words they hear in a presentation. How can you use that response to your advantage?

Patricia Fripp, first female president of the National Speakers Association and recipient of the coveted Certified Professional Speaker designation, designed an effective speech structure. Her speech structure opens with a powerful, attention getting, opening and closes with an impactful story which encompasses all of the main points of the speech.

Note! Patricia does NOT end with questions and answers. Far too frequently inexperienced speakers conclude with Q & A. All it takes is a rouge, off the wall question at the end of the question time period and the audience walks away with the wrong final words in their head. If you choose to have a question time frame, Patricia suggests that you slot that segment after your final point and before your powerful story conclusion.

At the beginning of my public speaking, I learned this lesson through making the mistake. One member of the audience chose to make a humorous comment which was totally off topic and left me standing there wondering how to respond. After a few uncomfortable moments for myself and the audience, the organization President thanked me and resumed control of the meeting. The last words which lingered were certainly not the “walk away” message originally intended.

With determination to discover leadership speaking skills, it was time to seek help. At that point the research began about how to handle that awkward situation. Research revealed Patricia Fripp at Fripp.com and worldchampionsedge.com. Both of these are excellent resources. From that point forward, Patricia Fripp and World Champions Edge have been frequent resources for me.

One of the marks of wisdom is locating resources for expanding knowledge and thus a coach. None of us started out knowing all of the answers nor do we have time to discover all of them on our own. Resources led me to hiring a coach and thus expanding my knowledge and experience through not only my own personal efforts but also all of the experience, knowledge and resources of the coach.

The last words to linger from this article are:
1. Make the last words your audience hears be your powerful message.
2. Never end with questions and answers.
3. Research and find answers.
4. Research will lead you to the ideal coach for you. Hire a coach.
5. Enjoy the rewards of powerful presentations and the ideal last words to linger with your audience.

Being the most effective leader and speaker requires leadership speaking skills. Coaching has become such an integral part of my growth as a public speaker that my own requests to coach others have expanded on a weekly basis. What a positive situation. My coaches learn and pass information on to me and I learn and pass information on to my students. After all, that has been the foundation of all education throughout history. Find and hire a coach. Let me help you grow as a speaker.

Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote or workshop speaker for your next event. Whether you are seeking to grow as a speaker to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you. Take control of the last words which linger.

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Energy Checklist for Success Plan

Success requires energy. What is your energy plan? What is your success plan? Is time dragging? Are you watching the hands on the clock moving in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n? Chances are you are probably not working an effective success plan. Do you have the energy to succeed?

When was the last time you completely lost track of time? What words come to mind to describe the emotion you experience when your energy is high and you forget all about time? Focused, enthused, driven, excited, empowered, engrossed and “in the zone” are the descriptive words commonly stated. Athletes such as alpine ski racers frequently envision every bump, twist and turn of the course before the gun ever sounds to commence the run. Writers and painters have also been known to work “in flow.” When you are “in flow” your concentration and energy are high.

When you are not flowing, there are various potential causes. The four major areas affecting our energy are physical activity, nutrition, sleep and mindset.

A very successful network marketer once told me, “Elaine, network marketing can make you fat.” With a petite five foot one inch frame, every pound shows. Daily exercise constitutes mental and physical stress reduction for me, not to mention dress size maintenance. In the June 2011 edition of Success magazine, fitness experts Tony Schwartz and Joel Harper detailed how sitting for 3 or more hours per day slows the metabolism. The metabolic rate slows so much that even an hour of exercise per day will not offset the sedentary hours. That lack of activity can be expansive. Back in the 50s and 60s, before many of you were born, we called it “typewriter spread.” Today it is television, computers and video games; however the net result remains the same. Sit for long periods of time without counterbalancing with exercise and your frame will spread.

Walk, jog, stretch, lift weights or even go to the gym. Walk, does not mean a trip to the cookie jar or a stroll to the refrigerator for a sugary soda. Work at the telephone or computer for 90 minutes and then do something active for at least 15 minutes.

Nutrition is critical. Raw carrots, salads, fresh fruit and raw almonds are all preferable to brownies, cheesecake and potato chips. No, you do not have to give up all of your favorite foods. You are either conscious of what goes into your face or you will be conscious of an expanding pant size. What goes into your mouth will have an effect on your waistline and your energy. Imagine filling your automobile with soda pop instead of gasoline and see how long the engine will run. Poor nutrition into your body will diminish your energy.

“Sleep is highly over rated.” This quote was told to me by an extremely successful young man who bragged that he slept less than 3 hours per night. It actually worked for him for a few years until his body collapsed. Brain Rules by Dr. John Medinal declares that your body will be 30% less efficient at burning calories when it is sleep deprived. During my days owning and operating Candy Mountain Bakery, I attempted to work from 11 pm to 5, 6 or 7 pm 7 days a week. That came to a screeching halt when I could no longer keep my eyes open to drive home. It has been stated that less than 3 percent of the population truly functions very long or very well on 6 hours of sleep per night. Some authorities even recommend a 20 minute power nap in the afternoon.

The fourth factor which is frequently overlooked is your mindset, your attitude. An interest deficit can drag your energy down as fast as lack of sleep, poor nutrition or lack of exercise. When the project does not match your talents, expertise or interest, motivation will probably be missing. Placing a social butterfly in a cubicle and telling them to work with detailed accounting projects would be a disaster. When the degree of enthusiasm or mindset toward a project is lacking, the interest deficit can be a total drag. Your attitude influences your energy and your productivity. When your attitude is not in sync with your project, your performance will not be optimal.

The next time you have the yawns, the desire to check your email or do anything other than concentrate on the task at hand, do an energy check. A quick mental check of your recent physical activity, nutrition, sleep and mindset will reveal the issue to be solved.

To achieve your maximum success, energy is essential. Include all four energy areas in your success plan. Some tasks can be delegated to free you for your most productive activities; physical exercise, nutrition and sleep are strictly your responsibility. Your mindset is paramount to achieving your goals. How are you doing on your energy check?

Hire Elaine Love as your next keynote speaker, workshop leader or personal coach and mentor. Go to www.ElaineSpeaks.net or email Elaine@ElaineSpeaks.com.

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