“But that’s not what I said, Matt.” “Maybe it is what I said, but you took it the wrong way.” “What you heard is not what I meant.”

Have you ever said something which was perfectly clear in your mind, but someone else heard an entirely different meaning?

It is perfectly natural to view situations through our own personal experience and knowledge filter. Since we all have a different experience filter, is it any wonder that we see the situation from a different angle and thus receive a different message?

Come with me to a recent speech to 50 young financial professionals. The scent of coffee and chocolate drifts through the air as the group settles in to their seats in the packed conference room. The group of 20 and 30 year olds deal with the public all day in their jobs. My topic was Emotional Ice Water – how to deal with negative behavior in a positive way. Phrased another way; how to remain sane and calm in the middle of an emotional ice storm. The event organizers had encouraged me to distribute my businerss cards. My words to the audience were, “If you prefer to discuss your situation privately rather than to say it aloud in front of your co-workers, call me. You have my card.”

During the debrief a week or so later, Brenda said, “Elaine, place yourself in the mindset of these young financial professionals. Their job is to offer financial advice for a fee. Naturally, their filter says “If you are offering me advice, you plan to charge me a fee.” View my offer to help them through their lens of “If I call her, she will charge me,” the offer becomes a business promotion on my part rather than an offer to help them.

Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes. “What they heard is not what I meant.”

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

Miscommunication occurs in all aspects of our daily lives. One of the most frequently cited causes of marital discord are “We just can’t communicate.” Actually, the root problem is not a lack of communication but a lack of connecting. When two people connect, they both understand and receive the same message. Communication occurs when one expresses thoughts verbally or in writing; however, it does not mean that the other party receives the message as the speaker intended. The disconnect is not in communication but connection.

Have you ever experienced miscommunication in a relationship? Guys have you ever asked a woman, “What’s wrong?” “Oh, nothing. . .” You get that “Oh not, knot in your stomach that says “What did I do wrong? What did I say? How can I fix this?” “I dn’t even know what I did wrong.”

In John Gray’s book, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, he extols the challenges of male and female communication. Do you ever feel as if you are speaking an entirely different language?

What she heard was not what he meant. Lack of communication happens in our personal and professional lives.
Money can be a major stumbling block, especially when it appears to be in short supply. Not only do couples have differing viewpoints of the best use of money, but this stress is transferred to others outside the walls of homes.

With the current economic turmoil, financial professionals are encountering negative reactions far too frequently. Imagine the shock when this group of young financial professionals heard, “The answer to your emotional turmoil is the IRS.” I can hear your brains saying, “What? The IRS is the answer to my emotional turmoil? I don’t think so.”

What do you think of when you hear the acronym IRS? Internal Revenue Service, right? Perfectly natural reaction, and that is one correct answer, but not the only correct answer.

Yes, the answer to emotional turmoil really can be the IRS.

Do a subtle mindset shift. What if the acronym meant something different than Internal Revenue Service. What if IRS meant . . .

Identify your feelings and why you feel as you do.
Release the stress and tension
Seek a solution.

Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes..

Doing a mindset shift from assuming IRS meant Internal Revenue Service to the new possibility that it meant Identify feelings, Release stress and Seek a solution changes your entire viewpoint.

What other facts do you know which may look different when viewed from a different angle.

Feelings and experiences serve as a filter for our perceptions of events in our life.

Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes.

Look at all events in your life from different angles and you will create more harmony for yourself and everyone around you. Looking from different viewpoints creates understanding and less hurt feelings. Understanding removes un-necessary tension and opens the door for solutions.

Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes.

Who knows? The future view of your life could improve from dismal gray to sunshine and gold.

Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote or workshop leader for your next event. Whether you are seeking to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you. Speak to connect, not just communicate.

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