Archive for the ‘Blueprint for Success’ Category

Micromanaging or Facilitation

In your efforts to reach your company goals, are you micromanaging or facilitating?  One is stifling control and the other is empowering creativity.


Leadership, management and life are a series of fine lines.  One of the most prevalent and challenging fine lines for a business professional is the fine line between control and chaos.  Exert control to the point of being a micromanager and all incentive to create is eliminated.  The total lack of any control is a free-for-all in which the activity goes in multiple directions simultaneously; creativity can thrive but at the expense of any focus toward a common goal.


How Much Control is Ideal?


Control is exercising authority; control is dominating influence over another person.  Control implies that one has the power to direct the actions of another person.


Control to the maximum extent is micromanaging.  How many times in your life have you encountered a micromanager?  Do you know an individual who tries to control every word, every action and every person?  No matter what anyone does, there is always the “but you need to change this” or “you could have done that differently.”


My father was a micromanager.  Every potentially good statement he made was followed with “but . . .” followed by a negative statement.  As a tiny baby, parents have to exert some control to protect the child from danger.  As the child matures, more freedom of choice is recommended.  The same goes for a new employee.  First they learn the system as it currently exists and the logic behind using that particular procedure. Under the iron thumb of a micromanager, the system will remain “as is” indefinitely.



Who is pulling your strings?

How can people feel around an overly controlling micromanager: suffocated, bossed around, confused, distressed, guilty, incompetent, and totally unmotivated?  Is that really the feeling we choose to project to our co-workers?  I think not.


What are the possible results of being a micromanager?  Co-workers, volunteers in an organization or your family, may stop working. “What’s the use?  It won’t be right or won’t be good enough anyway.  Why bother to do anything at all?”  “Why should I do it when they will just criticize and redo it anyway?”


Back to the Basics


Why hire employees?  Additional personnel spread the work load and potentially increase productivity; more tasks are completed thoroughly and time efficiently.  An added benefit is that by hiring intelligent, capable individuals, the potential exists for new innovative ideas.


Can you name one super successful entrepreneur whose goal was to hire employees exactly like themselves?  Hiring individuals with exactly the same skill set and interest as the entrepreneur will create a management team of clones.  Much the same result is achieved by micromanaging the employees into the exact behavior and mindset pattern as the overly controlling director.


What is the point of hiring capable, intelligent, creative individuals unless we provide the culture and freedom to exercise that creativity?




John Maxwell, renowned authority on leadership, has written numerous books.  One of my favorites is 5 Levels of

John Maxwell's 5 Levels of Leadership

John Maxwell’s 5 Levels of Leadership



Maxwell describes the journey from being in a position of authority due to the job title (people follow because their job requires them to follow) through the steps of permission and production to people development.  In people development, the concept of facilitation is introduced.  Facilitation in this context is used as encouraging people to explore and express their own creativity.  Facilitation in the people development level is empowering others to develop their interests, skill competencies and leadership potential.

What is the advantage of the facilitation – people development – approach?  The opportunity exists to capitalize on the talents of the capable, intelligent, creative individuals within your organization.  As these individuals develop and flourish, they will not only provide insightful, creative ideas of their own, they will also attract other capable, intelligent, creative individuals.  The association with their like-minded acquaintances will spark more creativity.  Who knows, some of those capable, intelligent, creative associates may choose to join your company.

Mountain Castles, Inc. required every employee with a complaint to also present one potential solution for the issue.  The very exercise of creating a solution encouraged and empowered them to participate in improving the company.

Creating a solution is part of people development.  Note that micromanaging is not included as a level of leadership.

Encourage your leaders and managers to resist micromanaging and embrace the facilitation – people development – leadership style.

For more information on success in your life and your business, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Go to,

C Your Success

When you “C” your success, you visualize a positive future.  You see the future you desire

Positive Mental Attitudes yield Positive Results

Positive Mental Attitudes yield Positive Results

to be living. I hear your mind saying, “I still don’t get the C.”


The C’s are clarity, competence, confidence, and completion.




Until you are absolutely clear about what you want, how can anyone else possibly be clear about how to help you achieve it?


How many people have you known who dabble in this and that and never really focus on anything?  Nellie Networker sells real estate, a skin care line and a healthy chocolate.  She says, “They told me to diversify my income.”  The only part of her efforts which seems to be clear is that she wants to be in business and make money.   As long as she is scattered in three entirely different directions, the odds of establishing a brand identity and sufficient focus to be successful in any of the three businesses is remote.


Polly Planner has also diversified into writing articles on skin care, teaching workshops on skin care and selling skin care products.  All three of her endeavors are laser focused on one specific area.  Building her brand as a skin care professional is clear.




Polly reads books, attends seminars, and masterminds with industry leaders in the skin care field.  With only one area to study and present, it is much easier for her to increase her industry knowledge and stay current on new developments.


As her industry knowledge increases and she gains experience presenting her expertise, her confidence grows.




As confidence increases, the enthusiasm and eagerness to present to others also expands.  This delightful chain reaction also intensifies the desire to learn more.  More knowledge increases competence.  Polly’s laser focus on skin care depicts clarity of purpose.  With clarity comes increased competence and increased confidence.




Knowledge without follow through is of minimal value to anyone else.


The cover lines on the book Emotional Ice Water are “It’s not what they say or do.  It’s what YOU think, feel and do.”  Whether we are speaking of the actions of others or our own actions, it all comes down to taking personal responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and actions.


Clarity allow for the opportunity to gain competence.  With clarity and competence we can develop the confidence to share our knowledge with others.  All of the clarity, competence and confidence in the world is still ineffective until we complete the “C” chain and take action to follow the process through to completion.


“C” your future clearly and take the action to make that clarity, competence, and confidence result in a positive difference in the lives of others.  Complete the “C” circle.


For more information on success in your life and your business, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Go to, or


Leadership is Earned Through Performance

Leadership is Earned Through Performance

Empower others with your thoughts and actions.  Regardless of your economic status, educational status or career, everyone responds favorably to kind words.  Empowering others benefits both the giver and the receiver.


Toastmasters is a speaker’s organization.  Picture a new speaker hesitantly rising and making the eternally long walk from their chair to the podium for their ice breaker speech.  Walking those eight to ten feet feels like a marathon distance.  Facing the group for the first time as the spotlight centers on them causes every internal butterfly to fly in a different direction.  Butterflies rarely settle into formation for the ice breaker speech.  Gripping the podium with a death grip and hiding behind it with notes shaking has been known to happen to more than one newbie.  Four to six minutes may feel like a lifetime.  The custom is to give a standing ovation after an ice breaker.


Watching this new speaker emerge and stand confidently and relaxed in front of the group during future speeches thrills both the speaker and the audience.  Empowering someone to learn a new skill and progress rewards the entire membership.  Feedback after each speech, evaluation, emphasizes all of the strong points and encourages slight areas on improvement.  Empowering someone to build on their strengths and develop new skills rewards the evaluator as well as the speaker.


Butterflies gradually learn to fly in formation.  Leadership is empowering others.  As a leader you have the opportunity to guide and empower others to develop current talents to new heights.  The greatest joy for a leader is seeing others grow and blossom.


True leadership can be related to the size of the empowerment desired.  A brief word feels like a helicopter, just a touch and go.  It comes and goes in a flash.  Investing a little more time and effort feel like a STOL port, a short take off and landing runway.  Major ventures require a runway similar to the size required for a 747.  Mentoring and empowering someone from infancy to maturity in a sport or career requires a 747 runway.


Empowerment can be a 20 yard sprint, a 5K run or a marathon.  Whether you choose to invest your time and effort for a brief start and stop, 3.1 miles or 26 miles all depends upon the impact you desire to provide.


Empowerment, like inspiration, motivation or education, must find a willing receiver.  Our job as leaders is to provide the empowerment.  The receiver’s role is to be open minded enough to accept the encouragement and take action.


A college professor once told a young student, “You can have ten years experience or one year’s experience ten times.”  The professor, like the mentor or evaluator in a business or a social organization, provides the encouragement and empowerment along with suggestions for growth and improvement.  The student must also be willing to receive and take action.  Without receiving and taking action, the words are leaves blowing in the wind.


Effective leadership is empowerment.  Few things warm the heart of a leader more than seeing someone respond in a positive way to growth potential.


Examine your leadership skills and practices.  Are you a helicopter, a small private plane or a 747?  What is the scope of your mentorship?  How long a runway do you require to launch your program?  Leadership is empowering.


Select your candidates carefully.  Select those who will be receptive to growing to their potential.  Empower those who are ready, willing and eager to accept the challenge.


Leadership is empowerment; join me at and allow me to assist you in reaching your potential.

Add Value to Achieve Greater Abundance

Jim RohnJim Rohn, noted business philosopher, said “Work harder on yourself than you do on your business.”


Emotional health, physical health and business success are a three legged stool.  Eliminate any one of the three and the stool collapses.  Without a positive attitude of service to something greater than ourselves, we become shallow and off balance.  By adding value to others, we make a difference in their lives and in our own life.


Our attitude shines through in our thoughts, words and deeds.  Negative or challenging situations enter our life on a far too regular basis.  How we handle those situations internally and externally makes the difference between the successful and the unsuccessful.


I recently had bone grafts to replace major bone loss in my face.  I was sequestered for over a week lying down with ice bags on my entire face for 15-20 minutes every hour day after day.  It left far too much time to think and not enough to produce.  There was a choice of feeling sorry for myself or using the time in a more positive way.  Obviously working out was forbidden and frankly, I did not feel like it anyway.  My treat was a dear friend, fellow Rotarian, who brought a smoothie or soup to me every evening.  Be grateful for small pleasures.  She went out of her way to bring a nourishing treat every evening for a week.  She added value to my life with a gesture of kindness.


Emotional health is the attitude we choose in situations.  I could be mopey and feel sorry for myself or I could choose to relax, meditate and create.  We can choose to criticize, complain and cry or we can choose to bring ourselves up by bringing others up.  Who do you know who would benefit from a text, a call, an email or a face-to-face smile?  Take the time to contact three people to send a ray of sunshine into their day.  It is free.  There is no cost to you, only tremendous value to them.


When we feel better about ourselves, we perform better at work and at everything else.


We have all attended goal setting and probably even goal achieving sessions.  Do a subtle mindset shift and forget about goals.  Instead of concentrating on goals, concentrate on constant growth.


John Maxwell, acclaimed as the #1 leadership expert in America said, “When I started learning to grow I thought it would take a year, maybe two.  At the end of the first year, I discovered that by focusing my energy on continuing to grow personally and professionally, I surpassed all my goals and continued to excel beyond my wildest expectation.”  He discovered that the only way to continually grow is to grow intentionally.


We all have flashes of accidental growth, but in order to continue to grow, we must grow intentionally.


How do you grow intentionally?  You surround yourself with great people who are growing intentionally.


You read good books: Andy Andrews “The Travelers Gift;” Napoleon Hill “Think and Grow Rich:” Stephen Covey “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People;” Norman Vincent Peale “The Power of Positive Thinking,” and Emotional Ice Water.


Charlie Tremendous Jones said, “You will be the same person five years from now that you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.”


I have recommended reading lists.  Email me.  I am happy to send them.


Another suggestion is to subscribe to Success magazine and Success book summaries.  Both publications have an enclosed cd which you can, and I do, play in your car.  Be a continual and intentional learner.


Why is it so important to continue to learn and grow?  Once again, Jim Rohn said, “Formal education will make you a living, self-education will make you rich.”  “If you want to earn more, you must become more.”


Everything comes back to intentional personal growth.


When you grow continually and become more valuable, you have more to give to others around you.  The more value you provide to others, the more value you add to their life.  What is life really all about but to add value to others and make a difference?


Bonus:  The more value you add to others, the more abundance flows back to you.  This works in business with customers, employees and the one who serves your morning coffee.


Having questions finding your true passion and niche in life?  Let me help.  Join me at or  Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote speaker or workshop leader for your next event.  Whether you are seeking to improve your career situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you.  Time is slipping away, find your niche and live the life you are destined to live.

Health Care is Expensive

gold2If you think health care is expensive now, just wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!
— P.J. O’Rourke, The Liberty Manifesto (1993).


I am all for helping those who truly are genuinely making a serious effort to earn a living and provide for their families.  Good people who are struggling right now.  Everyone needs access to quality health care.


Insurance is not free to all.  Someone has to pay for the coverage


Question one is “who pays for the coverage?”  Someone has to pay for the coverage?  Doctors, hospitals, insurance companies, medical device companies and pharmaceutical companies are all businesses.  No business operates in the red for very long.  Employees are not paid unless the company is making money with which to pay them.


Unlike the Federal government, we cannot print money.  We must earn it.  Someone has to pay for the insurance coverage.  Either we pay the coverage from the money we earn or the employer pays.  Unless the employer is earning more profit with which to pay the additional expense, they must cut expenses.  Free insurance is not free.  Someone has to pay for the insurance coverage.


What can we do?


As one individual alone, we cannot solve the health insurance dilemma.  The question is what can each one of us do?


We can take some responsibility for our own health. 


Instead of gobbling down a big Mac and fries, eat a salad, an apple or fresh baby carrots.


Substitute at least one glass of pure water instead of a can of soda.


Instead of sitting in front of the TV, take a walk.


Healthy Choices


You get the idea, make a few healthy choices.  You do not have to give up all of the foods, beverages and activities you enjoy all at once.  Start gradually by substituting one healthy choice for a current unhealthy choice.   Better health means less need for health insurance coverage.  Will it eliminate all need for health insurance coverage?  No, but it will help.


As a bonus, you will feel better in the interim.


More Healthy Choices


The household cleaners, soaps, lotions and other products which touch your skin absorb into the blood stream. Chemicals enter our blood stream through inhalation (breathing), skin contact, digestive system (eating or drinking) and injection.  All of this we can control.


Select healthy non-toxic household products.  50% of diseases are traced directly to the toxins in the air and in the products which touch our skin.  A few healthy choices could make a tremendous difference to the people you care about.


Will making a few healthy choices solve the health care dilemma or eliminate the need for health insurance coverage?  No.  Every healthy choice will help you feel better.

Effective Leadership Skills

Lead, follow or step aside

Examine the root word “Lead” carefully.


L – Learning all the information possible from great books, live seminars, cd recordings and personal interaction with other positive attitude, forward-thinking successful people.


E – Examine your own internal thoughts, beliefs, words and actions.  Are you allowing old negative programming to hold you back from achieving all of your dreams and goals?


A – Achieve all of your goals by focusing your energy on the target.  When you focus on a goal and direct all of your activity toward that one specific objective for as long as it takes to accomplish it, your success is guaranteed.


D – Delegate just enough responsibility to your team members or followers to develop their potential to achieve their own goals and lead others.


When you learn, do a comprehensive internal self-examination, and focus on achieving all of your own goals, you now have a path in place to guide others to duplicate you’re achievements.  You can not guide someone else to accomplish things you have not achieved.  There is as lack of credibility when you tell others how to do something you have never done.  There is never a long line to ask the advice of the person at the bottom of the success ladder.


First achieve the goals and then provide the system for others to duplicate your results.  The old saying of “fake it until you make it” just does not have credibility.  So you ask, what to do until you do have proven results of your own.  Edify your boss or your supervisor or your coach and mentor.  Point to their success until you have success of your own.  Always, always be honest.  Do not claim to have positive results until you do.


Learn to celebrate every little victory.  Record each small victory in a journal and celebrate each one.  These small accomplishments will grow into bigger achievements.  Your experience learning and growing will actually assist you in effective leadership.  People relate to you and your challenges as they progress through their own challenges.

Being honest about your leadership journey also adds to your credibility.  None of us started at the top.  Read our stories; we faced challenges and setbacks as well as victories on our way to personal leadership.


I do not believe there is or ever has been one effective leader who has not “paid his or her dues.”  Every one of us has examined ourselves and our leadership thoughts many times.  We examined and re-examined our leadership styles.  We evaluated our personal leadership and our leadership skills over and over.  We made adjustments and adjusted the adjustments.


Only after walking the path ourselves were we able to direct someone else through the same system to reach their own personal success.  First we made the journey through the success minefield, then we were qualified to guide others through that minefield to their own personal success.


Even now, after they have achieved their goals, effective leadership demands a constant process of adjusting to modern innovations.  Business, success nor leadership stands still.  Each one remains a moving target.  In order to effectively delegate these skills and techniques, we must continue to focus and keep our own leadership skills sharp.


Learn, examine, achieve and delegate.  You must follow each and every step in order and then keep repeating the cycle.  Leadership is constantly evolving and the best and more effective leaders never take themselves or their followers for granted.  Effective leadership skills are a precious commodity.  Delegate them to others and the world will constantly improve.  Effective leadership is a privilege, an honor and a responsibility.


I take my leadership, coaching and mentoring seriously.  Come visit me at  Let me help you navigate the minefield of success and leadership.


Push past emotional blocks

How many times have you sat down to write a marketing piece and stared at a blank sheet of paper desperately searching for a flash of inspiration?  Suddenly you have an overwhelming urge to make a cup of coffee.  The corner of a note on your desk catches your eye and you remember a promise to phone someone.  Three or four interruptions later you are still staring at a blank sheet of paper; you are now out of time to write.


David Foster, known as the Hit Man for all of his hit records, said in his Success Magazine cover story that sometimes he does not feel like writing a song.  He does it anyway.  Maybe it will be good rather than great, but it will be a song.  He went on to say that he forces himself to sit down and start writing; the inspiration will come.


Professional writers have spoken about writing a ten page paper and throwing away the first two pages before they hit their stride.


The Nike slogan says it best, “Just do it.”




You can reach for the ultimate comfort food – warm chocolate brownies.  Or you can stop giving yourself excuses and start working.


Easier to tell yourself to concentrate than to do it?  


Probably true, but also realistic.  Amazing how many excuses and distractions you can create when you do not want to do something, do not know how to do it, or are simply not motivated to do it.   


  1. 1.       Set a timer for thirty minutes and tell yourself that you will focus until the buzzer rings.  Once you actually start writing, it usually starts to flow.


  1. 2.      Give yourself a reward when the project is completed. 


  1. 3.      Ask yourself a critical question.  What do you want the audience to think, feel or do after reading the material?  Answering that question can provide inspiration.


  1. Who is your target audience?  Until you know the individual you are expecting to read your material, you do not know how to write in the manner in which they will want to receive the message.  Think about your target client and write as if you are speaking to them.


  1. 5.      What problem would you like to solve for them?  In the case of the focus issue, the problem is writers block; the goal is to get the writer “un-stuck.”


What would you tell one of your clients, one of your employees, or one of your children if they were hitting a blank wall on an assignment?  Would you subscribe to the “Take my advice, I’m not using it” theory?  You probably would not admit it to them.  I’ve hit the wall many times with projects.  These are the ways I solve the inertia problem.


Take my own advice


What do I want you, my reader, to think?  Think that you are not alone.  Every business person faces the dilemma of “blank page syndrome” from time to time.


What is the goal for you to feel?  Feel that a solution exists.  Think of the block as tissue paper rather than stone and know that you can push through to success.


What should you do?  Follow the Nike slogan and “Just do it.”

For more information on overcoming emotional blocks, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Go to or

Words Linger

Words create memories – good or bad

How important are the words you put in print?  We hear about blogging, social media comments and even writing marketing copy.  Your written words are actually more important than your spoken words.


Spoken words may be forgotten, but the written word is permanent.  Once you hit “send” or “submit,” those words are available to be found forever.


Private?  Think again.


That funny party picture you posted as a joke is available also.  I hear some of you saying, “no, I posted in my private setting.  That posting will never be public.”  Wrong.  Regardless of the privacy setting, if someone wants to find it badly enough, they will.  If even one person re-tweets or copies the picture or text, it is now public.


True story


A young woman was so proud of her body building contest results that she posted the picture on her Facebook page.  If you know anything about those contests, you know that the attire makes a string bikini look prudish. What seems like harmless fun in her 20s may come back to haunt her.  Would you want a “nearly nude” picture of yourself on the internet for your parents, children and your boss to see?


Words come back to bite you


Be conscious of the words you write.  You are representing yourself and your company with each comment.  This is the age of the spontaneous comment.  It only takes a second to hit “send” but the results remain


Am I trying to scare you into not posting on the internet?  Absolutely not.  I’m posting this right now.


Another true story


Two individuals in an organization chose to escalate their disagreement into a public display.  Feelings were hurt, words were written which in retrospect should never have been said.  The repercussions are still being felt throughout the organization seven months later.  A disagreement which could have been solved quietly has mushroomed into a major disruption.  The entire organization is suffering.


Once written words become public, they may be retracted, but they are not removed from memories.


Words linger


.Why is writing important in your organization?  Your marketing copy is obviously public.  It represents your company.  The image you project in your marketing materials must be positive, but it must also be honest.


There is a common expression throughout network marketing and other media to “fake it until you make it.”   The catchphrase was originally designed to create a feeling of success; by acting “as If” you have already achieved the desired level of success, you will trick your sub conscious into making that your reality.  The problem is that when that statement goes public, others do not know whether it is an internal statement or the truth.  97% of people fail in network marketing.  Perhaps some entered the business with a false sense of probability.


Be aware of the consequences of your spoken words and your written words not only on yourself but also on others.


For more keys to a successful spoken or written presentation, contact Elaine Love at or  If you want to take your communication from Now to WOW, implement this simple key.  Want more keys to success for yourself and your company?  Hire Elaine Love as your coach, corporate trainer or keynote speaker.


Marketing on a Budget


Clutching at straws to make a marketing budget?

Following the crowd may work for some things, but not for marketing.  People flock to the “latest and greatest” and the price goes up as the market demand goes up.  Unfortunately, the results do not necessarily follow the upward trend of the prices. Be creative and ahead of the pack.


If everyone is doing it, it must be a good idea.


Warren Buffett, an American business magnate, investor and philanthropist, is widely considered to be the most successful investor of the 20th century.  He is reported to have said that if everyone is doing something, do the opposite.  If it was a good idea, it is not a good idea any longer.


Even though Warren was speaking of investing, this works for marketing as well.  When pay-per-click first came out, it was “the new shiny idea.”  Prices were cheap and results were good.  Soon it became very expensive to obtain any positive results. When email first became popular, it was unique and effective.  If your inbox is like mine, it is now clogged with a few hundred emails a day.  Unfortunately, far too many of those are junk.


The world is going mobile.  Text is more current than email.  Mobile GPS works better than pay-per-click.  Stay with the curve or ahead of it.


What is the best idea for 2013 marketing? 


Business logic has remained constant for decades.  The methods, trends and implementation have changed but business principles are just that, solid principles.


Business magnates have subscribed to a philosophy of using the proven as their main focus while testing a new idea as their secret to success since the beginning of time.


Proven Successful Marketing Principles


Define your target audience.  Exactly who is your product designed to benefit?  Who will pay to receive the solution your product offers?


An anti-wrinkle face cream would probably be targeted to women age 30 – 60 living in middle to upper class neighborhoods in a metropolitan area.  Narrowing down your target market may seem limiting but it actually helps you focus your advertising on exactly the message that audience would want to hear.


What message would they want to hear?  They want proven results.  They want testimonials of people they know and trust who have used the cream and received positive results.  They want to know how long it will take to receive their desired result.


Determine when your customers want your product.  Starbucks coffee ads would be highly effective in the morning.  Selling a comfortable mattress would be well timed in the evening or early morning; having people view the ad when they are ready for a good night’s sleep or did not have a restful night.


In a ski resort, marketing ads would be most effective in late summer when the property management companies are placing all of their marketing for the upcoming ski season.


Catch the potential customer at the time they are ready to purchase or immediately before they are making a buying decision.


Make it easy to find you


Google is a wonderful tool for research, but unless your business pops up quickly on a smartphone, you may be lost in cyberspace.  Our world is mobile.  Include your address, a map to locate you and your main focus as a keyword. If they are hungry for a pizza, be certain that your name and location pops up on their phone.


If you don’t pop up when they are ready, it is as if you do not exist.


It does not cost you any more to include a few key details like your address and phone.  Make wise use of your marketing dollars.


Know your target market.  Know the message they want to hear and make it easy for them to find you.

Conquer the Battle Within

Cherokee Proverb

Torn between emotions
Torn between decisions


What is your battle?  This internal dilemma theme has been touted in the pop song, “Torn Between Two Lovers” and the movie of its origin, Doctor Zhivago.  Country songs have moaned about it and our legal system is clogged with cases of two opposing viewpoints. One of the more definitive statements about internal turmoil is the Cherokee proverb, “There is a Battle of Two Wolves Inside Us All.”


One is evil.  It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority and ego.

The other is good.  It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth.

Which wolf wins?  The one you feed.


Name Your Wolves


Destructive Wolf


Who are your destructive wolves?  Can you call them by name?  Anger, blame, guilt, resentment and lack of deservability are among the most familiar.  How often do you feed them?  Allowing your thoughts to drift too frequently to these negatives or remain there too long and you may be feeding them a seven course meal instead of a snack.


Don’t think for even a moment that I have not ever fed them.  Unfortunately there have been times when I felt sad, alone, hurt or even mistreated; those are the times I fed them.  If anyone ever tells you that they have never been upset, angry, disappointed, resentful or even jealous, they are lying, forgetful or delusional.  Experiencing the full range of emotions is normal human behavior.


Gentle Wolf


The gentle wolf is when my small grandson snuggles up beside me and just cuddles.  He doesn’t even want to talk or play, he just wants to be loved and feel safe and wanted.  How many times in your life have you experienced the supreme bliss of just being with someone?  Neither of you even had to say a word; you were content just being together.


Perhaps there were times you were consoling someone or being consoled when you felt better because they were there with you.  Remember the times you did something for another person without wanting or expecting anything in return.  Remember the warm feeling; it is like the glow of a fragrant candle in a dark room.


Turning Points


Jim Rohn, famous business philosopher, tells a tale of the “day that turns your life around.”


It may be the day you declare “I’ve had enough.  Things are going to change right now.”


Jim tells the story of a young mother who asked her husband for ten dollars and he said “What for?”  She vowed that very day that she would never ever ask for money again.  She looked for new skills.  She found the classes.  She looked for new opportunities to stretch and grow.  She kept looking until she found them.  Twelve years later she was vice president of a major jewelry company in New York City.


Her entire life changed because she turned loose of the fur of the wolf which fed her inferiority and embraced the wolf of hope.  Which wolf do you need to stop feeding and chase away?  Which wolf do you need to embrace?  The choice is yours.


The book Emotional Ice Water helps you identify each destructive wolf and release it.  You know you will always receive more of whatever you give your time, energy and focus.  Focus on the gentle wolves.


For more information on identifying and releasing emotional blocks, stay tuned to  Also inquire about hiring Elaine Love for your next sales training, executive meeting or personal growth presentation coaching.  Purchase the book Emotional Ice Water.  Go to or

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