Archive for September, 2011
Have you ever known anyone with a faulty thought filter? Do you know a person who speaks first and thinks about the impact of the words later? Even worse is the person who speaks without a clue as to the words being uttered or the impact of those words.
A dear friend of mine frequently quips, “You heard the thought at the same time I did.” In an ideal mental and physical installation, there is a filter between the thought entering the conscious mind and that same thought exiting in audible words. There are cases on record of both faulty installations and totally absent installations.
July 4, 2011 at 1 pm I had a blind date with a professional golfer. Having achieved the rank of professional on the PGA circuit, one would expect a certain degree of class and social graces.
His offer of a putting lesson sounded like a good idea. The lesson was certainly needed. “Yes, I live on the 13th tee of a professional golf course. Yes, a golf bag and clubs exist in the dark recesses of the garage; however, they have not even been dusted in 30 years.”
3.57965 minutes into the putting lesson he said. “You have a great body. How much do you weigh? 125 pounds?”
Guys, be honest. How many of you even ask your wife what she weighs? Add insult to shock and volunteer a number and you may be sleeping on the couch for a week. Plan on taking up permanent residence on the couch if you volunteered a number and you were high.
With a height of five foot one inch and wearing a size zero, obesity is not my issue. Fortunately, a positive mental attitude exists to ward off the emotional ice water of such thoughtless remarks.
“Ralph, you are wrong, your number is high.” Mentally, my cleats are dug in to the turf but my mind is racing for the safety of my car. Totally clueless, he did not even bother to apologize.
A few months later he sent an email,”Do you remember me?” Remember him? Oh yes. Respond to the email. . .no!
In the interest of not being accused of gender bashing, come with me to a professional Realtor organization. Keep in mind that my Real Estate Brokers license was issued in 1986; I have utmost respect for the industry.
The new President of the organization came up to me and declared, “Oh Elaine, the day I met you I went home and told my husband that I just met a lady with the most fabulous figure. She must be in her 70s.”
Social error number two is commenting on a female’s age and volunteering a number over a decade high.
Once again, thank you for a positive mental attitude to see the humor in a potentially insulting situation. Emotional ice water can be offset with a positive mental attitude.
Once again we have a serious filter installation issue. Expertise in one area does not mean expertise in all areas. Both individuals were accomplished professionals in their area of expertise. Both committed grievous social errors.
Fortunately, maintaining a positive mental attitude provided ego salvation.
Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote speaker or workshop leader for your next event. Whether you are seeking to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you. Your success requires a positive mental attitude.
Rich people have 24 hours a day. Poor people have 24 hours a day. What makes the difference in the results?
Could it be priorities? Distractions? Perhaps it is an overactive “yes” gland. Yes, I will get the groceries, cook the meals, take the kids to soccer practice, clean the house, volunteer at school, volunteer at church and work a full time job. Sound familiar? Looking at my calendar; I am guilty as charged.
Are all of these worthwhile endeavors? Yes. Do each of these activities need to be performed? Yes. Do they all need to be performed by you every day? Maybe not.
As a busy executive discovers, some duties can be delegated, some declined and some prioritized. Look at your “to do” list. What is the possibility of having someone else in the house cook one meal a week? How about doing a double batch one night and freezing it for next week? Anything super easy and fast which would work for one meal a week? Be creative.
Write a detailed list of everything you do for a week. Pick one item a day and explore the options available. Who is available to help with that task or even take it completely?
Carefully examine everything you do. Caution, take only one item to brainstorm a day.
Your busy brain is now saying, with so many things to do and no time to do them how am I supposed to find time to do this additional task?
Treat yourself to 15 minutes a day just for yourself. Yes, at first, that may be in the evening or early morning. How badly do you truly want to recover your sanity and get your time under control? Is it worth 15 minutes a day? Your decision.
If you truly desire to take control of your time, it will require designing a success plan. Design a plan you will actually follow through. This is not a New Years Resolution which is broken in 3 days or maybe even 3 hours. Design a success plan of your choosing which you truly believe you can follow through. Implement the plan a if your life depended on its success. Make the follow through an unbreakable priority.
Your 24 hours a day slips by whether you are harried, frustrated or organized. The familiar saying “time is money” is simply not true. If you lose money, there is always the possibility of making more money. Once time is gone, it can never be recovered.
Email me with your time and sanity recovery success plan. Success stories are wonderful! The present is a great time to start! Today in fact is the perfect day to start writing your new success plan.
Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote speaker or workshop leader for your next event. Whether you are seeking to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you. Your success requires a success plan.
“But that’s not what I said, Matt.” “Maybe it is what I said, but you took it the wrong way.” “What you heard is not what I meant.”
Have you ever said something which was perfectly clear in your mind, but someone else heard an entirely different meaning?
It is perfectly natural to view situations through our own personal experience and knowledge filter. Since we all have a different experience filter, is it any wonder that we see the situation from a different angle and thus receive a different message?
Come with me to a recent speech to 50 young financial professionals. The scent of coffee and chocolate drifts through the air as the group settles in to their seats in the packed conference room. The group of 20 and 30 year olds deal with the public all day in their jobs. My topic was Emotional Ice Water – how to deal with negative behavior in a positive way. Phrased another way; how to remain sane and calm in the middle of an emotional ice storm. The event organizers had encouraged me to distribute my businerss cards. My words to the audience were, “If you prefer to discuss your situation privately rather than to say it aloud in front of your co-workers, call me. You have my card.”
During the debrief a week or so later, Brenda said, “Elaine, place yourself in the mindset of these young financial professionals. Their job is to offer financial advice for a fee. Naturally, their filter says “If you are offering me advice, you plan to charge me a fee.” View my offer to help them through their lens of “If I call her, she will charge me,” the offer becomes a business promotion on my part rather than an offer to help them.
Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes. “What they heard is not what I meant.”
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer
Miscommunication occurs in all aspects of our daily lives. One of the most frequently cited causes of marital discord are “We just can’t communicate.” Actually, the root problem is not a lack of communication but a lack of connecting. When two people connect, they both understand and receive the same message. Communication occurs when one expresses thoughts verbally or in writing; however, it does not mean that the other party receives the message as the speaker intended. The disconnect is not in communication but connection.
Have you ever experienced miscommunication in a relationship? Guys have you ever asked a woman, “What’s wrong?” “Oh, nothing. . .” You get that “Oh not, knot in your stomach that says “What did I do wrong? What did I say? How can I fix this?” “I dn’t even know what I did wrong.”
In John Gray’s book, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, he extols the challenges of male and female communication. Do you ever feel as if you are speaking an entirely different language?
What she heard was not what he meant. Lack of communication happens in our personal and professional lives.
Money can be a major stumbling block, especially when it appears to be in short supply. Not only do couples have differing viewpoints of the best use of money, but this stress is transferred to others outside the walls of homes.
With the current economic turmoil, financial professionals are encountering negative reactions far too frequently. Imagine the shock when this group of young financial professionals heard, “The answer to your emotional turmoil is the IRS.” I can hear your brains saying, “What? The IRS is the answer to my emotional turmoil? I don’t think so.”
What do you think of when you hear the acronym IRS? Internal Revenue Service, right? Perfectly natural reaction, and that is one correct answer, but not the only correct answer.
Yes, the answer to emotional turmoil really can be the IRS.
Do a subtle mindset shift. What if the acronym meant something different than Internal Revenue Service. What if IRS meant . . .
Identify your feelings and why you feel as you do.
Release the stress and tension
Seek a solution.
Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes..
Doing a mindset shift from assuming IRS meant Internal Revenue Service to the new possibility that it meant Identify feelings, Release stress and Seek a solution changes your entire viewpoint.
What other facts do you know which may look different when viewed from a different angle.
Feelings and experiences serve as a filter for our perceptions of events in our life.
Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes.
Look at all events in your life from different angles and you will create more harmony for yourself and everyone around you. Looking from different viewpoints creates understanding and less hurt feelings. Understanding removes un-necessary tension and opens the door for solutions.
Change the angle of your viewpoint and the meaning changes.
Who knows? The future view of your life could improve from dismal gray to sunshine and gold.
Join me at www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net. Hire Elaine Love as your coach and as the keynote or workshop leader for your next event. Whether you are seeking to improve your employment situation, gain more expertise as a public speaker or be more effective persuading your kids, hiring a coach will assist you. Speak to connect, not just communicate.
“Elaine, my issue is a lack of patience.” “Tell me more, Jeff. Patience is what context?” “It is a lack of patience in everything.” Have you ever been impatient with co-workers, family, friends or other drivers on the interstate?
Imagine you are rushing out the door from work and suddenly your boss adds one more assignment to your already bulging briefcase. Perhaps you are exhausted at the end of a long day and come out to find a flat tire. How many other scenarios come to your mind of times when your energy was already low and one more incident added to the precarious pyramid of eggs which represents your tolerance level? After all, we are human. We do have a limit.
Incidents accumulate until your tolerance reaches that magic point that says “enough, I’ve had it.” Have you ever regretted words said in haste or words said in frustration?
Would you like the 3 keys to peace of mind which will reduce or perhaps even eliminate that lack of patience?
Would it surprise you to know that the answer lies in the IRS? Yes, the answer really is in the IRS.
Identify your feelings and why you feel as you do
Relieve the tension
Seek a solution
You have just experienced a subtle mind shift. Was your first thought the Internal Revenue Service? What is the lesson? There may be more than one way of viewing an acronym or a situation. A slight change in your workplace attitude or personal attitude could make a monumental improvement in your results.
What would it be worth to you to learn the details of those three keys – the IRS?
Imagine you life with increasing stress and lack of patience until your world comes apart at the seams? Loss of family, loss of your job, or even severe health problems result from too much stress and pent up tension.
By learning and following this formula you can have more patience, peace of mind, happier family, more productive work and peace of mind.
Choose the pain or the gain, the choice is yours.
Contact me and let me help your. Go to www.Elaine4Success.com or www.ElaineSpeaks.net and send me a note. When you reach the point you are ready to change your workplace attitude, personal attitude or patience level, contact me – preferably before you are at the breaking point. Hire Elaine Love as the keynote speaker or workshop trainer for your next event. Hire Elaine Love as your personal coach and mentor.