Archive for October, 2010

Half-closed Door

person caught in a half closed door
half open doorDon’t get caught in a half closed door. The American economy is in turmoil right now. Consequently, many of its citizens are also in emotional and financial turmoil. Some things we can control. Some we can not. One thing we can control is our attitude.

Situations will arise when it is tempting to verbally strike back. Will that verbal retort promote long range good will or damage the relationship both short term and long term? Are you thinking and acting short term at the expense of long term? Are you unintentionally closing the door on your relationships?

Surprisingly enough many people take the temperature of their relationships i.e. assess the health of the relationships, based on the last words or actions which occurred. Think of a wide open door. As each hurtful incident occurs, the door swings closer to closed and latched. Allowing doubts to creep inside your head and heart are dumping emotional ice water on yourself and on your relationship.

Sometimes I need an imaginary wake-up slap to my attitude. Find your own dam to hold back the emotional ice water. Regardless of whether the emotional ice water is flowing from the outside in to you or from you to yourself, it is still flowing. Mine is frequently meditation and music, particularly Josh Grogan and Andrea Bocelli. They put me back in a state of gratitude.

With each nudge of gratitude, the door swings back open another few inches. If you are seeking work-life-relationship balance, stop dreaming. That only happens in fairy land. A more feasible goal is to keep all 3 doors – work, life and relationship – open as much as possible. Hold on to your positive mental attitude and infuse frequent gratitude reminders. When you keep your attitude in the positive quadrant, the doors naturally swing open a little wider.

Design your day with the most important elements as top priority. Schedule your completion of the 3 most critical tasks first. Always build in breathing room for the “oh no, what happened” unplanned events. Anyone who has children, employees or pets will encounter those incidents. When you build in the flex time in your schedule, you have time to handle those situations without slamming the door on something else.

If you can, try to combine exercise, dinner out, or fun activities with family or friends. Caution – this is a work-free zone. Spoiling a lovely outing by constantly checking email on your iPad or texting on your Blackberry nudges that relationship door closed. No matter how tempting it may be to reach for your electronic buddy, try to concentrate on the human companion. Even though it feels like the electronic devices are permanently attached to our bodies, they really can slip quietly into a purse or pocket on silent. These electronic devices are useful, even essential in today’s rush around world, but they are excellent door closers as well.

Avoiding half closed doors can be as simple as scheduling time for top priorities first and allowing for emergencies. Concentrate on your human companion rather than your electronic buddy for a work-free outing at least once every 2 weeks. Weekly is even better. Don’t expect life, work and relationships to always balance. They won’t. Refusing to ignore any of them completely keeps the door open; how far the door opens depends of the quality of the time you devote to keeping a positive mental attitude about all 3. The balance swings heavily toward work for most of us, granted. When you do have personal relationship and life time, enjoy it. Be grateful. Hold a positive mental attitude or at least attempt to hold a grateful positive attitude throughout your day.

Book Elaine for your next meeting, workshop or conference. Go to www.ElaineSpeaks.net to schedule the booking. Hire Elaine as your positive action coach. Email, call or submit your comments or request to www.Elaine4Success.com,

Emotional Ice Water.6

River of ice waterBrrr it’s cold. No, I’m not talking about snow in the Colorado ski resorts, even though it is that time of year. The most important temperature is the temperature of your life! If you have been receiving buckets of emotional ice water from outside sources or dumping a steady stream of it on yourself, you are probably shivering right now.

Emotional ice water comes from 3 main directions.
1. People in your life dump it on you. They may be friends, co-workers or even those in your own family. They may think they are doing it for your own good.
2. Yourself. We create our own emotional ice water through our negative thoughts, limiting beliefs and holding on to events of the past.
3. The third source is when we unintentionally dump emotional ice water on others.

I say unintentionally. Yes, I’m a realist but I still hold on to a pair of old rose colored glasses. Believing the best in people is one way of giving the benefit of the doubt. Holding a positive mental attitude about life and the people we encounter warms the feelings of all concerned.

A friend of mine, Dave Garrison, gave a speech in which he held up 2 cards: “Believe the Best” or “Assume the Worst.” He had a powerful message in those 2 little cards. Every situation in life brings a choice. We can learn something from everything, everyone and every incident in life. Each time something is said, or not said and we wish it would have been said, or something is done or not done, we have a choice. We can hold a positive mental attitude about it or a negative mental attitude.

We can choose to assume the worst and immediately start hurling buckets of emotional ice water on the offender. Sometimes we keep pouring it on long after everyone forgot the actual incident which started the ice war. We can even start a major ice water flood by spreading it around to others.

Or we can believe the best and think that the error, or perceived error, was accidental. Let’s face it; we have all uttered the unintentional unkind word. We have all committed the thoughtless act. Children are noted for blatant honesty before they mature enough to rephrase their thoughts in a more socially acceptable manner. Most adults have outgrown those childish icy blasts.

Sometimes even as adults we slip and speak unkind or thoughtless words. We may act in inconsiderate ways from time to time. In most of those cases, we know that we did not intend to inflict harm. We know we did not mean that verbal icicle stab.

Do we forgive ourselves for the error? Do we apologize to the other person? Do we move on with life and forget the incident. Yes, if we are emotionally healthy, we do.

Do we always give the other person that same forgiving spirit? It may be easier to make excuses for ourselves because after all, we know we are good people and we have a good heart. But does the other person know that we really did not mean to be cold and careless with our words and deeds? Just in case they don’t, tell them by apologizing. Ask for forgiveness. If you ask to be forgiven, they probably will do so and the incident ends. Everyone will come away with a positive mental attitude instead of a frozen spirit.

We want to be forgiven, but do we extend that warm spirit of forgiveness to others or do we assume the worst where they are concerned? Holding on to negative thoughts from the past only dumps more emotional ice water on ourselves. Forgive them and move on.

Emotional ice water can damage the spirit of everyone it touches. Regardless of whether it comes from our outside associates, from ourselves or if we are dumping it on others, it becomes a soul chilling experience. An experience none of us wants. An experience we have the power to control.

Once we have clarified the sources, the methods to overcome it and the benefits of removing it from our lives, there is nothing remaining but to take positive action.

If you are seeking a speaker, or know someone who is seeking a speaker, who gives value, inspiration and enjoyment, contact me. If you could use a coach who genuinely cares about providing value in your life and a warm glow in your spirit, contact me at www.Elaine4Success.com or write me a note at www.ElaineSpeaks.com.

Emotional Ice Water.5

Think gold

Be careful what you hold or what you let go

Are you trapped between your past and your future? Unable to move forward? Or are you choosing NOT to move forward? That is exactly what you do to yourself when you hold on to events and remarks of the past. You are stuck. You can not move forward because you refuse to let go of the past.

Imagine seeing a shiny gold nugget the size of an orange. You know it is worth a fortune and you desire to possess that gold for your very own. You understand how extremely valuable it is and how it will solve most of your financial problems. It is so close you can almost touch it, but not quite. You reach your hand through the narrow opening between the iron posts. Wiggle your fingers and success, you begin to inch it into your hand. You are clutching that marvelous treasure. You gently pull back your hand. Oh no, you guessed it. The only way to bring your hand back through the narrow opening is to release the gold.

You have a choice to make. Release the gold and retrieve your hand or clutch the gold and remain with your hand captive inside the iron box.

This example represents the OPPOSITE of holding on tightly to negative events of the past. As long as you hold on tightly to the negatives of the past, you can never grasp the shiny golden future which awaits you. Just the example of the trapped hand, your life is held suspended in limbo until you release the past.

Instead of holding a shiny valuable nugget of gold, you are holding a hot ball of tar. What is there about that ugly ball of tar that is so important that you throw away your entire future?

By releasing the ugly grudges, resentments or hurts of the past, you will be free to step into the golden glow of your positive mental attitude. You can not hold both a positive and a negative attitude simultaneously. Which one do you really want?

If I had selected an ugly object, you would never have reached into the cage.

Another example is the baseball player who has his foot firmly planted on first base. If he never takes his foot off of first base, he can not possibly run to second base.

Where are you stuck?

A woman called me recently and said some extremely unladylike remarks. Even though I knew she did not have her facts correct, it stung to hear such comments. I had a choice to make. I could keep thinking about her remarks and let it cast an icy blanket of emotional ice water over my day. I could fire comments back at her or tell her she was wrong. I could call others and whine and complain. I could even post a nasty note on Facebook. Instead I chose to write a polite “sorry you are upset and I apologize if I accidentally offended you” note. At that time I chose to let it go and go on with my day. Holding on to the negative comments would only hurt me and hurt those I contacted throughout the day.

The other people in my life did not cause the situation, need to be involved in the issue or even have any interest in the fray. Nothing successful was to be gained from holding on to the incident. In order to maintain my positive day, it required a positive mental attitude. Once again you can only hold a positive or a negative thought – not both at the same time. You choose which. My success plan clearly prescribes the positive.

Let go of the hot tar ball of prior negative situations. Take your foot off of first base. Resolve the situation in your mind and move forward with your day. Choose to hold positive thoughts.

If you are seeking a speaker who knows how to energize and uplift your spirits, contact me. If you are seeking a personal coach and mentor who truly cares about improving your life, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com. If you want to write me a note, go to www.ElaineSpeaks.com.

Emotional Ice Water.4

River of ice waterLong term effect of ice waterEmotional ice water will not disappear with the snap of fingers or the click of a mouse. It is a gradual process. Just as 5, 10 or 20 pounds of weight does not suddenly appear so emotional ice water may creep in slowly before we are totally aware. It is easier to defend our spirit against the sudden dump of a bucket of ice water than it is the slow but steady stream of emotional ice water.

Once the awareness hits the conscious zone, the time for “ostrich hiding the head in the sand” behavior is over. The time has arrived for gradually or more abruptly warming up the temperature surrounding your emotional health. How do you create that success plan?

1. Identify the people in your life who spread the largest quantities of the icy liquid. Start reducing the time you spend in their presence. Start increasing the time you spend with positive influences such as motivational cds, inspirational books, and goal-oriented people. Give your positive mental attitude a fighting chance.

Brian Tracy, Chris Widener, Jim Rohn, John Maxwell, Andy Andrews, Napoleon Hill and Wallace Wattles are a few of the authors who have influenced my life in a positive manner. They are key ingredients in my success plan.

Success magazine, Success book summaries, and the recordings which accompany those publications help me defrost the negative intrusions in my life.

2. Attend motivational live events. Just the very act of associating with forward moving, goal-oriented happy individuals will add the glint of a smile to your eyes and a warm fuzzy glow in your soul. Filling your mind with happy thoughts and feelings will spill over into confident words and actions. Never underestimate the power of the associations in your life. These associations can enhance your positive mental attitude or erode it.

3. Become conscious of your thoughts. Do you dwell on petty comments and thoughtless remarks? You do have control of your thoughts. Your mind can only focus on one thing at a time – positive or negative. Your success plan requires positive reinforcement.

When you fill all of your waking hours with motivational, inspirational and educational input, it will naturally squeeze out all of the undesirable influences.

Zig Zigler once said, “Motivation does not last, but neither does bathing. That is why we do it every day.”

4. A grudge is the most destructive thing you can ever hold. It tears at your thoughts, confidence and emotional stability. What old beliefs, attitudes or idle remarks are you holding in your heart? Let them go. Forgive. Yes, forgiveness is truly for you. The other person may not even know you forgave them. Forgiveness of others is something you do for yourself. You will be amazed at the load forgiveness will remove from your stooped emotional shoulders. Holding a grudge is the constant pouring of buckets of emotional ice water on yourself.

5. Gratitude eases your emotional load as well. When you focus on being grateful for the good things in your life, you warm up the emotional ice water several degrees. Try starting your day by writing in your gratitude journal. It sets a positive tone to the entire day.

Doing each of these things can bring the 32 degree freezing water temperature up to at least a warm cozy shower or even to a steam sauna. You get to choose the temperature of your life.

If you are seeking a speaker who knows how to energize and uplift your spirits, contact me. If you are seeking a personal coach and mentor who truly cares about improving your life, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com. If you want to write me a note, go to www.ElaineSpeaks.com.

Emotional Ice Water.3

Emotional Ice WaterEmotional Ice Water flows into all of our lives. It is as predictable as snow in the Colorado mountains in the winter. It is not a matter of IF it will come, but rather when and how much. Emotional ice water follows the same law of when, how much and from what source.

Maturity dictates that we do not throw the tantrum of a 2 year old, stick our head under the pillow and pretend it doesn’t exist or drive off a cliff. So what can we do?

1. We can develop a positive mental attitude and create a success plan. Take a blank sheet of paper and make three columns. In column one, write a detailed list of all of your co-workers, friends, neighbors and family with whom you associate on a fairly regular basis. In column two beside each name write how many hours a week you spend with each one. In column three write how many of those hours you really feel good when spending time with them. For instance:

Albert 4 hours a week 30 minutes feeling good
Charlotte 4 hours a week 3 hours feeling good

Continue your list. Some people are creative, positive, and fun. You enjoy spending time with them and feel good when you are with them and even after you part company for the day. Increase your time with these “feel good” people. Focus more on the positive feeling generated by the encounter.

Implement your success plan by making a minor or, if possible, a major reduction in the time you spend with negative “drag your spirits down” people. If they happen to be a relative, it may not be possible to scoot them off into the sidelines of your life. You don’t have to rush over to see them. Unfortunately, it is more likely that their “sour on life” attitude will rub off on you than your “zest for life” attitude will transmit to them.

Become conscious of the people with whom you spend time and your negative or positive mental attitude when you are in their presence. Make adjustments in the amount of your precious time you spend with each one.

It is said that the vibration in the entire room rises when Mother Teresa walks into the room. Create those positive feelings when people are around you.

2. Make a list of your activities. What are you doing when you feel the most productive and the happiest? These enjoyable activities contribute to your positive mental attitude.

Be conscious of what you are doing when you feel peaceful and contented. Each of these positive feelings enhances your success plan.

When emotional ice water flows into your life, reach into your book of happy memories. Unfold the list and read it. Take at least one action step to restore peace and self-esteem to yourself every time there is a cold breeze flowing toward you. Maybe call one of those positive people; send them a handwritten note or email. Spend a few quiet minutes thinking about an enjoyable time with great people. You can not control all of the emotional ice water, but you can take responsibility for your reaction to it.

For a speaker, coach, mentor and workshop leader who gives constructive solutions to life’s situations, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com

Distraction plaque most people

List 5 priority tasks for the day

3 top priority and 2 lesser priorities

Distractions plague most people, but especially the home based business entrepreneur.  In a busy office you have the conversations in the adjoining cubicle, co-workers stopping by on the way to and from the break room and maybe even customers stopping to see you.  Imagine that, customers at your office.  It may feel like minor details and each only seems to take a few minutes, but how much time do they really take?

A busy executive once purchased a stop watch to measure his productive time.  He clicked it on when he was actually concentrating on his work and being productive.  He clicked it off every time he did anything except being productive.  He was shocked to learn that he had less than 3 hours of productive time in his entire work day.  Ouch!

If you dare, use the stop watch method to determine your actual productive time.  Regardless of whether you work in a busy office with multiple co-workers or at home, there will be interruptions.

Surfing the web and answering personal emails can break the flow of work at the home office or away; however, it is probably more tempting for the home based business entrepreneur because no one is likely to be peering over your shoulder.  Your spouse, kids or even pets can frequently interrupt you in a home office.  Then there is always the laundry, that extra cup of coffee (the kitchen is only steps away), or even walking outside in the sunshine to retrieve the mail.  So many interruptions; they all take time away from your professional focus.  Also as a home based business entrepreneur, you are only accountable to yourself rather than to a boss.  Depending upon your mindset, you may be a more forgiving boss.

In a public office, you may be able to close your door, face your computer so that your back is to the door or even resort to hanging a “please do not disturb” sign on the door.  Potential solutions for the home based business entrepreneur are actually easier.  Use these work from home business ideas to increase your productivity.  Close your door.  Clear every distracting object off your desk; that includes any bills, bank statements to be reconciled and personal correspondence.  Make a firm commitment not to even open your email program other than in the specific email time block.  Consider turning off your cell phone and even the ringer on your desk phone for 2 or 3 hours. If you are entirely too tempted to answer the Blackberry or iphone when they ring, put them in the next room or sit on them.  Sitting on them should muffle the sound sufficiently.

Making money working from home is not only possible but highly probable IF you focus your time productively.

Why do 97% of all businesses fail?  Profitability requires productivity.  Before you go to bed at night or before you leave the office for the day, make a list of your top 3 priorities to be accomplished the next day.  Add on 2 secondary priorities.  Post the list in a prominent location.  Making the list the night before lets your subconscious mind work on the ideas all night.

What time of day are you most productive?  If you are a morning person, schedule 2 or 3 of those top priorities to be accomplished in the morning.  If you think it will take you an hour, give yourself 45 minutes.  Shortening the time frame may cause you to work faster.  Vow not to take a break or not to go home at the end of the day until at least the top 3 priorities are properly completed.

Personally, I select my top 5 projects for the month, top 5 for the week and top 5 for the day to move my business forward.  For this exercise I divided them into 3 major and 2 minor tasks.

In review, the high productivity suggestions for critical focus times are:

  1. close the door to your office
  2. turn off the phone or put it in another room
  3. close the email program
  4. shorten the time frame allotted to accomplish each task
  5. make the list of 5 priorities for the next day at the end of the current day
  6. vow not to close out your work day until those priority tasks are completed

For more specific personalized business coaching or for a professional speaker who delivers value, join me at www.ElaineSpeaks.com or www.Elaine4Success.com.

Emotional Ice Water

Keep your thoughts, feelings, and words in sync

What are you thinking and saying?

Where is your head? What are you thinking?

Recently I received a telephone call from a lady who said she was optimistic and doing fine in one breath and in the next breath lamented her financial and marital situation. It is bad enough when others throw emotional ice water on us, but the worst internal chill actually occurs when we throw the emotional ice water on ourselves.

Examine your thoughts, feelings and words. Are your words contradicting each other? The old “fake it until you make it” attitude sets up a conflict between your words and your reality. It probably also generates a conflict between your words and your thoughts or feelings. When you say something you do not believe, you run a significant risk of having your subconscious mind saying, “No, that is not true. You have not achieved any of that. . .” Unless you are an extremely good actor or actress, your mental and emotional vibrations will transmit the discrepancy. Yes, put your experience and presentation in a positive light, but always tell the truth. Anything other than honesty will come back to bite you sooner or later.

Resolve the inner conflict in order to bring your feelings, thoughts and words into alignment. You can not control all of the emotional ice water flowing from outside influences into your world; however you have significant control over the quantity of emotional ice water you douse upon yourself. Self mastery is step one in your success plan.

Step back and analyze the cause of the conflict. In the case of the lady who telephoned, she said, “I’m fine.” Right words. When the words were uttered in the middle of sobbing, it did not ring true. Not every case is quite that obvious. She did not even believe she was fine. She later confessed that she was scared, lonely and uncertain about her financial and social future. Instead of concentrating on everything which was positive in her world, she was dumping buckets of emotional ice water on her present and future.

One of the best ways of eliminating personally generated emotional ice water is to focus on the positive factors in your life. There are two methods which I have found very successful.

Keep a success journal and write down every success you have ever enjoyed in your life. Keep it handy for reference any time you hit a hesitation point. Read it each time you feel the cool breeze of the impending emotional ice water blowing in your direction.

The second method is to start every morning the moment you open and focus your eyes by writing at least 5, and I recommend 10, things for which you are grateful. This starts your day with a positive mental attitude.

Take the “fake it until you make it” attitude. If you declare that you are making $40,000 per month as many internet web pages do, be prepared to justify the claim. If you are making that amount, great. If not, consider revising your statement to say, “My goal is to be making $40,000 a month.” Your thoughts, feelings and words can accept that statement as true as long as you really accept that as a goal for yourself. You will eliminate most if not all of your personally generated emotional ice water and achieve success through a positive mental attitude by resolving the conflict between your words and your thoughts and feelings.

Emotional ice water flows into every life. At least choke off the flow of the self-generated emotional ice water by focusing on a positive mental attitude and aligning your thoughts, feelings and words.

For personalized tips and techniques for controlling the quantity of conflict in your emotional state, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com.

Positive Mental Attitude

Positive Mental Attitudes Overcome Obstacles

Think Positive, Act Positive

Events are perceived in a triangle pattern.

First person has their view of the facts; they have their perception of the truth. Person two has their version of the truth as they see it, which is different than the first person’s version. Outside observers have a third “truth” from their vantage point. The center of the triangle contains the actual truth.

As you observe these four different perceptions of truth, reflect on the incidents in your life. As you do your best to step out of your individual impression of the truth, seriously attempt to view the situation from the perspective of the other person. No, it does not mean you are making one of you right and the other wrong; you are simply attempting to understand their view.

If each person truly attempted to understand the way another viewed each situation, we would foster less hostility and controversy in the world. There is a powerful little book in my private library. “Getting to YES, Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In’ by Roger Fisher and William Ury presents answers to resolving situations before they become deadlocked.

Why do conflicts escalate to the point of irreparable deadlock? Could the answer be that we unintentionally, or perhaps intentionally, refuse to consider the viewpoint of others?

Think of yourself as dragging a sack weighing several hundred pounds around with you 24 hours per day. Your shoulders ache, your back hurts and your arms feel like they are being pulled apart at the joints. All of these aches and pains can relate to carrying the guilt, anger or tension contained in that sack. Why carry it when you can step back, attempt to change your view of the events and release that burden? Even though you are not physically carrying that sack, the net result is the same if you are mentally and emotionally carrying it.

“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”
-Karen Kaiser Clark

Who has the power to start the process of releasing the mental Atlas load? You do. Ok, you say nothing will change until the other party does the same. True, there will not be total harmony and resolution without both parties participation. Someone has to start the process. Even if they do not release the weight, if you do, then your shoulders and soul feel the breath of fragrant air and comforting sunshine. You see, you are not releasing the burden for their sake; you are releasing it for your own benefit.

Emotional ice water does flow into your life. Conflict does occur. Changes happen.

It is not a matter of “if” these things happen, it is a fact that they will happen. Cultivating a millionaire mindset means focusing your time, attention and energy where it will be most productive. Carrying grudges, tension and drama divert your focus from the positive things in your life. The best success plan is to focus on positives. One of those positives is creating harmony and understanding.

Simple steps to peace of mind.
1. Attempt to view the situation from the point of view of the other person
2. Look for resolutions rather than locking into your personal point of view.
3. In the grand scheme of life, how important is this one incident? Sometimes we lock in on something which truly is not that important to us.
4. Release the burden from your soul so you can concentrate of productive matters.
5. Forgive yourself and others.
6. Celebrate all of the positive things in your life. Be grateful for what you have. Time is precious. Relationships can be fragile but some, probably most, are to be treasured.

Handle life’s little dilemmas differently and your smile will glow a little more brightly and your relationships will amazingly glide a bit smoother. Successful people maintain a positive mental attitude. Their influence and workplace attitude are more congenial.

Who knows, your face may even show less wrinkles. Personally, I would consider that a marvelous side benefit of less stress. You will acquire more success through a positive mental attitude than you ever will by locking in on to your point of view.

Less emotional stress, less trauma and less frown lines – sounds like an emotional success plan. For more positive approaches to conflict and tips and techniques for a more profitable, productive and happy life, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com.

Overcoming Emotional Ice Water

Looking for wise ways to overcome Emotional Ice Water

Take the long view of the relationship before reacting

Overcoming emotional ice water. Everyone encounters it from time to time in their life.

Sometimes it feels like the ice berg which sank the Titanic and other times it is only a sprinkle from a garden hose. We all encounter emotional ice water. What do you do about it? How do you handle that chill and still hold your chin up and feel the warm breeze in your hair? Well, those of us who have hair. Let’s do the Labrador shake and get that ice water out of our system.

How do you handle it when someone calls you and says unkind things or even worse, says them to your face? At least when they do it by email, you can have a moment to blink your eyes and think before you respond. Entrepreneurial thinking requires that we think through the entire situation before we react.

Options: You can lash back with unkind remarks of your own which is very likely to escalate the matter. This “tit for tat” method rarely solves anything. In fact, it usually elevates the conflict to the point that the relationship risks permanent damage. Lashing out is not a recommended success plan.

Stop, take a deep breath. You can listen and let them get it off their chest. You can walk away. If they called, you can lay the phone down and walk away. Email is the easiest because you can read it now, read it later or hit delete and never read it.

More than your physical reaction at the moment of impact is the reaction within your emotions. This reaction may vary with the closeness of the relationship of the attacker to you. In the case of a spouse, a child, or a parent you probably have a great deal of emotion invested in the relationship. It may be wise to weight their words in light of your history with them and the events in your life and theirs at the moment. Does it still hurt? Of course, but you may find it in your heart to forgive a little easier and more quickly. As a business development coach, the recommendation is to look for a resolution to solve the underlying issue not just this immediate flare up. If you can, try to see it from their point of view for a moment. It may help you resolve the problem sooner.

Les and Leslie Parrott, relationship experts recently featured in Success magazine, recommend the “repenting bench.” They selected a hard, uncomfortable wooden bench from the Church of England era. Fighting siblings needed to sit on the bench together until they could openly state what they (not the other person) did wrong in the situation, give the other child a hug and state that they would try not to do it again.

After such an incident, do some quiet meditation; that is a much better success plan than barbed retorts. Notice I said meditation, not sulking, brooding or vengeance contemplation. Meditation is a quieting of the soul and mind rather than a stirring of the witches’ brew of angry emotions. Think of pleasant things. Try to come up with happy thoughts of that person or another. The goal is to bring yourself back to a place of pleasure and peace.

If meditation does not work for you, try reading, music, or a long quiet walk in nature. Use whatever means you need to restore your good feeling about yourself. As soon as possible work on forgiving the other person. Why? Not forgiving them only eats away at your peace of mind. It’s Ok; be selfish. Forgive them for your sake. Let it go as soon as possible. If you need to say or do something to make amends, do so. If not, let it go as quickly as possible for your own sake.

Recently I had one of those phone calls from a woman I barely knew. We were in a leads group together and I had given her name as a lead. Apparently she took offense at that. I called to apologize. She responded with a #@*#! Call. I emailed a “no offense meant” email and let it go. Since it felt better for me to walk away from the negative energy and the petty drama, I chose to remove myself from her presence. Even though it was not a pleasant experience, I refuse to allow it to spoil my day and my future. Holding on to hurt feelings and ill will hurts you the most. Why do that to yourself? Let it go.

It is the old gamblers line, “know when to walk away.” Low emotional investment in this case made walking away appropriate. I could have evoked my stubborn Irish determination if I was emotionally invested. If the relationship was really important to me, I would have requested a one-to-one face to face meeting to delve into her feelings and resolve it. You have to decide your level of emotional investment and ongoing future of the relationship. Decide what is best for your emotional health and future.

Just like the repenting bench exercise, decide your part in the fray and vow not to repeat that behavior.

The important thing is to find and restore peace and self confidence within yourself. Don’t let emotional ice water control your present or your future.

For more tips, techniques and personal assistance join me at www.Elaine4Success.com

Home Based Business Entrepreneur

Entrepreneurial Traits

Entrepreneurial Thinking

Evaluating the perfect business for you encompasses many factors. If you missed the prior editions of the Millionaire Blueprint, go back and review the advantages and cost factors of a franchise, purchasing a pre-owned brick and mortar business, establishing a new brick and mortar business and becoming a home based business entrepreneur.

Critical factor – all have their value and their place; it is not a matter of one is right and one is wrong. The most important factor is selecting the one which is right for you. Some of you may actually prefer to be an employee rather than embrace entrepreneurial thinking. Being the quintessential entrepreneur, I am personally psychologically unemployable. Entrepreneurial thinking is part of my DNA; entrepreneurial traits circulate through my veins. Once again, everyone must select what is right for them as an individual. Yes, I am solidly in the corner of the entrepreneur and profess the benefits of entrepreneurial thinking.

That being said, the time has arrived to quantify the elements of selecting the perfect business for those of you who do possess entrepreneurial traits and desires.

1. What are your interests and talents? Unless you have an interest in the subject, you will rarely invest the time and effort to study and learn the nuances of the industry. Unless you already possess extensive knowledge of the industry, you will need to seek wisdom.

The acronym S-I-N comes to mind. Yes, you all know what SIN is. I encourage you to SIN. Seek wisdom, implement and innovate (yes I know I am using the phonetic spelling of innovate for the acronym.)

Even if you have extensive knowledge of the subject area, keep learning and expanding.

Talent also plays a part. Do you possess the talent and abilities or do you need to expand one or both? Interest and ability play a significant part in selecting the best industry and niche for you.

2. Market analysis also influences the decision. Is there a need in the marketplace for your specific business? When I started Mt. Castles Property Management in Steamboat everyone was managing condominiums. No one was specializing in single family homes. With more and more second home owners, there was a significant need for a property management company specializing in single family home management. Can you say market niche?

3. Income potential becomes another significant factor. Know the level of income you desire to earn and the potential for this industry to generate that income. This is especially significant in network marketing or MLM. Many MLM companies pay tiny commissions and emphasize the long range residual commission. Caution that the residual only occurs when and if you produce and your down line also produces. Also know the long range nature of that residual; if you require or desire significant short term income, this is not an ideal situation for you.

Keep in mind that it will take the same amount of time, effort and marketing dollar to earn a tiny commission as it will to earn a high dollar commission. It will take a tremendous number of 25 dollar commissions to add up to one 4,500 or 9,000 commission. Look very carefully at the return on your time and marketing dollar investment. Be certain that your selection of a company or market niche can generate the desired return on investment.

4. Review the complaints against the company from the attorney general; this is especially important in the case of MLM or network marketing companies. Significant complaints are a major red flag. These red flags are warnings not only about the integrity of the company but your potential future earnings.

5. What is the long range potential of the company or market niche? A hula hoop or pet rock phase came and went fairly quickly. Have you selected a company which is inflation proof and recession proof? In a tight economy, people will be less likely to purchase lotions, potions, pills and juices. These items will either not be purchased or purchased from the local Walgreens Drug store; perhaps not exactly the same qualities but close enough to pass in a tight economy. Select a company and market niche with long term potential.

Yes, I know I have given you many factors to consider; however, each and every one of these factors has validity for your present and future success. For personalized assistance and additional insight, join me at www.Elaine4Success.com.

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”Elaine spoke to our top leaders from 8 states, she gave us new and positive ways to connect with people
which is EXACTLY what we wanted. Thanks Elaine”
-Tom Fajardo, State Farm